


Rise

by dreamsofboston



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, Making Out, Mild Gore, Minor Character Death, Miscommunication, Oral Sex, Pre-Fall of Wall Maria, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, blood mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-09-18 17:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofboston/pseuds/dreamsofboston
Summary: Sonya Romanova of the Underground is brought to the surface on the condition that she join and serve the Survey Corps. As she comes to grips with what the surface world is actually like compared to her dreamy fantasies, she finds herself becoming more and more enamored with the stoic Captain Levi.- momentary hiatus -





	1. the start

**Author's Note:**

> hello i suck at summaries like everybody else in the world but this is gonna be a pretty slow burn,, i haven't written fic in a while and i really wanna try and explore the world of the underground and the corps throughout this fic. if theres too much exposition i understand and im sorry and i promise things will pick up lmfao. if y'all want smut lmk cuz im down to write it but i gotta know if other ppl are interested in that kind of thing. ok sweet thanks for reading love you bye

“Your name is Romanova—don’t ever forget that.” Maria stopped, and coughed out the drag she had just taken from her cigarette.

Sonya grated the clothes against the washboard, focusing only on the bubbles sloshing in the water.

“Yes, mother.”

“I don’t know who the hell your father was, but who gives a damn? He never did a thing for you.” Maria took another drag. She coughed. “When did smoking become so tiresome? Sonya, darling, get me something to drink.”

Sonya knew that getting something to drink did not mean water or tea, but any assortment of alcohol stashed within the house behind her. She dropped the clothes into the soapy bucket, dried her hands on her apron, and turned to venture inside the kitchen.

Brothels had kitchens—and bathrooms, and a backyard, and balconies, and of course bedrooms. Today, Sonya was seventeen, and her mother couldn’t hold onto her any longer.

“Don’t look so stressed, sweetie.” One of the girls, Herschel, rubbed a soothing hand on Sonya’s slender back. Herschel was voluptuous to say the least: beautiful black hair cascading in curls down her back, soft, thin lips which held a deep, sensual voice within. Suffice it to say, she was very good at her job. Sonya, on the other hand, was quite small—smaller than normal seventeen-year-old girls. Unfortunately, she was gorgeous. Her eyes a golden green, chestnut brown and curly hair, and lips and cheeks so rosy it was hard to believe she’d never seen sunlight. The girls had already been cooing and teasing about how she was soon to become a number one item on the menu. Yes, Genie’s Palace was the best in the Underground—sometimes people from the surface would even venture down there to get a taste of the deprived and sensual ladies of the brothel.

“We’ll give you one of our regulars first—he’s real gentle.” Herschel was folding napkins: a necessary staple for hygiene in every room. Sonya looked down at her silk night-gown her mother had suggested she wear in order to lure in as many customers as possible. She crossed her arms.

“I’m cold.” She said—Herschel laughed.

“You’ll heat up soon enough. The first time don’t hurt as much as they say, honest!” Herschel gave Sonya’s arm a gentle squeeze. “And they usually finish up quick anyways.”

Sonya didn’t say anything—she just poured her mother a glass of vodka and hurried out of the kitchen.

She dropped the glass off at the small side-table her mother sat next to.

“Mother, I’m going to go for a walk. Is that alright?” Sonya asked quietly.

“Oh, alright. Just don’t take too long—you need to wash up properly before you get your first one.” Maria took a sip, and seemed somewhat relieved from the bitter drink.

Sonya drew her lips into a tight line, and grabbed her black coat from her chair. She pulled it on as she exited onto the lamp-lit street, feeling a little more like herself as she left the brothel behind and had something covering her shoulders.

Banners and tables lined the street; it was a strange sight, to say the least. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking closely at the insignias of the banners: a white and a blue wing, crossed over each other guarding a shield. This was foreign to Sonya—she’d never seen actual Survey Corps members in the Underground. It was almost always MPs, or the occasional Garrison soldier who could dare to afford a girl from Genie’s.

“Ah, Sonya!” A familiar voice caught Sonya’s attention, and she turned with dismay to find one of Herschel’s regulars approaching her with a signature swagger. He was called Kurt, a high-ranking officer of the MPs, and a disillusioned asshole. He actually believed what he paid Herschel to tell him, and as a result, had never been able to sleep with a woman for free. “I thought I recognized you. What are you doing out here? I thought today was the first day you started.” He looked her up and down, very obviously. “I knew you were worth more than just a cocktail waitress.”

“What are all these banners for?” Sonya nodded to the Survey Corps members, standing behind tables with clipboards and interacting with the people of the Underground.

“Oh, the Survey Corps just lost a couple hundred of their own recently on one of their foolish expeditions.” He rolled his eyes. “Now they’re trying to lure these poor suckers in for a chance to live up top.”

“What? Seriously?” Sonya tensed up.

“I know—ridiculous, really, who would ever want to join the Survey Corps?”

“No, I mean—you can live up there if you join?”

“Oh, darling.” Kurt smiled sympathetically. “You wouldn’t want to live up top—it’s just more of the same.”

“But there’s sunlight. And fresh air.” She paused. “I want to know what the rain smells like.”

Sonya had been staring at the booth for a while—there stood behind it a tall, stoic man speaking quietly with a woman with dark hair and glasses, and a shorter man with black hair. The woman with glasses seemed to notice Sonya, and she turned to her with a smile. Sonya, taken off guard by her blatant kindness, smiled shyly back.

Before she knew it, the woman had begun to make her way towards Sonya and Kurt just as he was attempting to whisk her off her feet by suggesting they go somewhere a bit more private so he could wish her a proper happy birthday.

“Pardon the interruption, Kurt!” The woman said brightly. “I know you’re down here a lot, so I’m sure this local won’t mind!”

“Wh-where did you hear that?” Kurt seemed very flustered, and Sonya had to hide a laugh.

“Oh, around!” The woman maintained her smile, and turned to focus on Sonya. “Hello. My name is Captain Hange Zoe—I’m one of the officers part of the Survey Corps.” She extended her hand to shake.

“Oh—hello.” Sonya shook her hand, amused by Captain Zoe’s remark to Kurt. “I’m Sonya Romanova.”

“Good to meet you!” Captain Zoe gestured to the table behind her, rife with clipboards and other soldiers of the Corps. “We’re recruiting people to become soldiers in the Survey Corps. Our mission is to venture into the outside world, beyond the walls, and attempt to understand why we are enclosed within these walls, what the titans are exactly, and how we can break our way free.” She stood with her hands on her hips, proud of herself. “Interested?”

“Well—” Sonya paused. “How far have you gotten?”

“Huh?”

“How many titans have you killed? Are we any closer to finding out the truth?”

Captain Zoe pondered the question, studying Sonya for a moment. “We’ve gotten a little closer—every time, we’ve made some kind of progress.” She nodded. “Asking questions like that, though—that is the true mark of someone who would make an excellent Survey Corps soldier.”

“And I could live up there?” Sonya asked eagerly—Kurt groaned in annoyance.

“Yes, of course!” Captain Zoe grabbed a clipboard off of the table. She practically shoved the pen into Sonya’s hands. She eagerly began to sign her name on one of the numbered slots, when a voice from the other side of the table gave her pause.

“You can only live up there if you make it past training.” It was the short, dark-haired man. He was almost glaring at Sonya—she was taken aback. “We won’t keep you if you’re useless.”

Sonya glanced at Kurt—a potential customer if she stayed where she was. She looked back at the clipboard, and pointedly signed her name. She looked back at the dark-haired man.

“Then I won’t be useless.”

[-]

“I won't be useless.”

That was what Sonya had vowed the day she signed up for the corps exactly one year ago. 

And today, standing at salute in front of Commander Erwin, she knew at her core that she had made the right decision. Her heart swelled with pride as she stood among her fellow soldiers, listening to the impassioned speech Erwin was delivering.

“Soldiers.” He called, gazing down on the crowd with pride. The flickering torches surrounding the soldiers and the stage cast a soft, almost theatrical effect that entranced Sonya and vaguely reminded her of the Underground.

The Underground. Her previous hell-- right after she had signed up, Sonya fled from her home without even going back to pack anything. She had asked Hange Zoe-- or maybe begged her-- if she could take refuge with her for the time being, before she was brought up to the surface to join the corps. Hange hesitated at first, but Sonya explained her situation, rife with embarrassment, and then Hange understood. She even let Sonya stay with her in the little hotel provided for soldiers stationed in the Underground. Unfortunately for her, that hotel was rife with MPs who were frequent customers of Genie's Palace. For the three days Sonya was there, they would sneer and jeer at her, offering her money to spend the night with them, and a few even touched her when she would walk past in the dimly lit hallways.

But that was behind her-- she had escaped, clawed her way through training, and somehow she was standing here. 

She had just barely made it into the top ten-- if she was a normal recruit, she would be able to join the other nine soldiers in the interior as Military Police, but even if she wasn't already destined to join the Corps, she would have died before joining the MPs. 

Sonya glanced at Captain Levi-- he stood next to Erwin, looking rather bored and pained to be there. Now that Erwin was Commander, he had allowed Levi to form his own squad of handpicked elite soldiers. She wanted desperately to become part of that squad-- if only to prove to herself that she could, but also to prove to Captain Levi. He was the one who had cautioned her not to be useless all those years ago. And now, she had made it into the top ten, and left the Underground far behind. 

Sonya had heard that in three days, the Commander would be leading her generation of Cadets on their first expedition. She knew that she should have been terrified of the prospect of meeting Titans face to face, but a part of her was indescribably excited. Sonya had loved every second of being on the surface, of feeling the sunlight and the moonlight, of tasting fresh air and hearing birds outside her window every morning. While her fellow recruits despised waking up early, Sonya was grateful that there was a sun to designate time. In the Underground, there was one clock which everyone simply had to trust-- and even then, nobody really cared what time it was.  
Only she and two other people from the Underground had made it past training-- the others who had signed up were too malnourished to build any muscle or stamina, and so were sent back to the depths. Sonya Romanova, Peter Wagner, and Anna Weber were the only ones standing among the recruits born on the surface. 

As Commander Erwin pontificated, Sonya’s mind wandered, entertaining the thoughts of killing titans with her new friends, staying up late and talking about life with them in the cramped living quarters of HQ… she even thought of when she might-- in her wildest dreams-- be invited to join Squad Levi. She smiled dreamily at him, and when Commander Erwin finished his speech, those who did not wish to join the Survey Corps left, leaving only Sonya and about a hundred more soldiers standing at attention. 

“Welcome to the Survey Corps.” Commander Erwin smiled, and Sonya and her compatriots cheered.

[-]

Two days came and went in a flash-- mostly, the new recruits were told to do chores which the veterans were too lazy to do, involving cleaning the stables, changing bed linens, mopping the floors and such. Whenever Captain Levi deigned to speak to the new recruits, he would make bitter remarks about how their cleaning was subpar, and if he was in an especially bad mood, he would sentence them to even harsher cleaning duties.

One such day, Sonya was subject to said punishments.

“Your cleaning is atrocious, Romanova.” Levi scoffed at her as she was cleaning the windows lining one of the expansive hallways of HQ. 

“Apologies, sir.” Sonya said dutifully, although in her opinion her cleaning was exceptional. 

“Honestly, if a soldier can't clean a window properly…” He muttered, and turned to leave. 

Against Sonya's better judgment-- perhaps it was exhaustion making her particularly feisty-- she made a smart-ass remark.

“I must not be using the proper cleaning solution, sir.” She stood at salute. “Want me to spit on it?”

That had landed her a full days work cleaning the stables-- alone. Sonya had to admit, though, it was a little worth it to see the look of absolute disdain he had when she spoke up.

Being above ground, Sonya had found a new sense of confidence. Underground, she was used to being ogled at by slimy men in dimly lit rooms, but above ground, people were generally nicer, and she got compliments quite often, which caused her self esteem to sky-rocket. 

Granted, those compliments were usually geared solely towards her appearance rather than her actual performance in training, but she took what she could get. 

Over the course of her year on the surface, she had grown much closer to Peter and Anna.  
Peter was quite a tall, handsome man with sharp features and spiky red hair. His family owned and operated one of the few taverns in the Underground, so he had come from what Sonya considered the upper middle class. He was the type of person to tell stories of his daily life as if they were comedic performances-- sometimes people were entertained, but the tired soldiers usually got annoyed by Peter’s seemingly constant energy. 

Anna, on the other hand, was quite stoic, and shared very few words with anyone who wasn’t Peter or Sonya. Anna had come from the streets-- her parents had died before she really knew them, and by the time she was six years old, her aunt had abandoned her in a drunken haze, and Anna never saw her again. Sonya had thought that Anna would never make it past training, but she persevered and was now standing about in the stables while Sonya raked away at the hay.

“You’re so stupid.” Anna remarked.

“I’m stupid a lot-- be more specific?” Sonya grinned.

“What you said to Captain Levi: ‘should I spit on it?’ Honestly, what did you think was going to happen?”

“I thought maybe he’d get down on one knee and say, ‘Oh, Sonya! You’re so funny and strong! Join my squad!’” Sonya even added the theatrical gesture of getting down on one knee in front of Anna. That earned a shy smile from the black-haired girl. 

“You’ve been spending too much time with Peter.” She said. “I think he likes you, by the way.”

Sonya rolled her eyes. “Peter’s probably the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

“He told me he wants to join Levi’s squad, too.”

“What?” Sonya threw her rake down in disgust. “That bastard’s just trying to copy me!”

“Maybe he’s trying to get your attention… or he’s trying to protect you!” Anna clasped her hand over her heart. “How romantic! It makes sense-- Levi’s Squad seem to always be put in the most dangerous positions.”

“Well, given my recent stunt today, I think my chances of getting in are pretty slim.” Sonya admitted. “I don’t think the Captain likes me very much-- I always smile and say good morning to him and all that, but he never even gives me the time of day except to make me do more chores.”

Anna shrugged. “Captain Levi’s just like that.”

“Maybe.” Sonya tossed the last bale of hay onto the compost heap, and sat down on a bench with a sigh. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

Anna nodded. Whenever Anna was nervous, she hardly spoke about what was truly on her mind. Sonya tended to talk too much-- they were a perfect fit.

“Me, too. I’m just hoping…”

“We’ll make it back alive?” Anna finished with a wry smile. 

Sonya let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah.”

The two girls sat in silence for a moment, allowing the sounds of the world to take over their conversation: the wind rustled the trees around the perimeter of HQ, wooden carts puttering over cobblestoned streets in the city outside-- Sonya leaned her head back with a smile. 

“I’m never gonna get tired of life up here.”

Anna smiled back. That was the main thing they could relate to-- how awful their lives were down there. Anna especially spent every minute that she could outdoors-- she had even taken up woodworking, and had whittled a few little figurines as of late in her free time. 

“Hey.” Anna said-- Sonya looked over to her. “If things get bad out there… I’ve got your back.”

Sonya nodded solemnly. “I’ve got your back, too.”

[-]

“Beautiful day to kill some titans!”

Peter Wagner adjusted the saddle on his horse, and glanced around with a smile to see if anyone would notice his remark.

“Shut up, Peter.” Sonya mounted her horse, patting his neck gently. Another thing she loved about being on the surface was the abundance of non-rabid animals-- she was assigned a horse at the beginning of her training, and this guy had stuck with her through thick and thin. She had named him Chuck. 

“What, don’t tell me you’re scared, Romanova?” Peter grinned, mounting his own horse in turn.

“Of course I’m scared-- anyone who isn’t is stupid.” 

Peter scoffed. “Anyone who’s scared probably didn’t train enough.”

“Hey, are you finished bickering over there?” Anna called from her section in the formation-- the Corps were currently arranging themselves in their planned positions they would fall into once the gate opened. Sonya, Anna, and Peter had all been placed in the same section-- near the back, but not too far towards the outer area that dealt with all or most of the titans.

Sonya and Peter trotted over to join Anna, and Sonya flashed Anna a reassuring smile. She was incredibly tense on her horse, gripping the reins like her life depended on it.

“All troops, move out!” Commander Erwin called from the very front of the formation, and the gate was lifted, and off they went.


	2. the expedition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonya's first expedition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this chapter was hella fun to write, cuz ive never really written too much action before and it was interesting describing everything. i hope i was able to write down what i was visualizing accurately so that it makes sense lmfao. i hope u all enjoy!! thank u for reading love u bye

The Survey Corps thundered out of the gate, spilling out into the wide expanse of Titan territory. Sonya would have been lost in the throng of soldiers if it weren't for her squad leader-- Moblit Berner-- to guide them to the right position. Sonya couldn't help but gaze up at the blue sky, dusted with clouds and uninterrupted by the off-white walls which usually surrounded her vision. No, out here, there was merely sky and Earth, meeting at one single point.

“Eyes front, soldier!” Peter yelled at Sonya sharply, and she turned in annoyance to see him smiling cheekily. “We don't want you running into any trees, now, do we?”

They rode on. This particular mission was intended to be a quick one: they were to enter the forest, gather supplies left there by the previous squad members, and leave. It seemed simple enough, but the supplies were in an area of thick forestry, and the only reason they got there in the first place was because the previous Commander had attempted to set up a safe-house there. A ‘safe-house’ in titan territory seemed like a very obviously stupid idea to Sonya, but apparently the Corps had made it their top priority to establish one before she had joined. 

A red flare went off to her left, and another, and another. She felt immense fear rise in her throat, and she and Anna locked panicked eyes next to each other. Peter noticed this, and actually didn’t make a joke out of it.

“Hey, it’s okay! Look, we’re totally avoiding them.” He nodded to the green flare that was now ahead of them, pointing in the new direction which the Corps were slowly turning in. Peter gave a reassuring smile to Sonya and Anna. “We’ll be okay! We’re in one of the safest parts of the formation.”

And on they rode. There were some red flares here and there, but the Commander’s green flare would always guide the formation to safety. Eventually, Sonya felt a sort of rhythm within herself, and felt part of a whole-- like how she felt standing among her soldiers as they were accepted into the Survey Corps that night.

“Heads up!” Moblit called from the front of their squad. “Once we get close enough to a tree, deploy ODM gear and follow my orders.” 

Slowly but surely, the corps were approaching the forest line and Sonya began to feel a little more at ease. She eased Chuck to a stop, and gave him a little pat before she dismounted and whisked herself up into a tree beside Moblit, Peter, and Anna. 

“Well done.” Moblit said, and pointed to the other Corps soldiers ascending to tree branches not too far away from them. “Our job, for now, is to guard the entrance to the forest while the other half of the formation enter and gather the supplies.”

“Oh, so we-- we’re actually gonna kill some titans today?” Peter said.

“Pray you don’t have to.” Moblit said grimly. “Spread out so that we cover more area.”

Sonya grabbed Anna’s hand and gave it a squeeze-- the poor girl was trembling. Anna breathed in sharply at the contact, and attempted to smile at Sonya. 

“Look at the sky, Anna.” Sonya nodded to the clouds. “Isn’t it beautiful out?”

Anna looked up, and that seemed to distract her a bit. She gave a little nod, and with that, Sonya glided to another tree branch, a bit closer to the ground. She could still see Chuck, and it was of some comfort knowing that the titans had no interest in eating her horse. At least Chuck would make it out okay. She stood alert, scanning the horizon for any sign of titans-- and just like every soldier there, she waited.

[-]

The waiting seemed to last forever-- even Moblit was getting restless. He kept glancing back, as if he were expecting to see the others exiting any time now. 

“Captain,” Sonya called, “would you like me to relay a message to the teams inside?”

“Yeah,” Peter responded before Moblit got a chance, “tell them to hurry it up!”

“Wagner.” Moblit said sharply, shooting him a glare. “As for you, Romanova, yes-- I suppose you could. Ask them if they require assistance. Take Weber with you.” He gestured to Anna. “And be quick about it.”

“Yes, sir!” Sonya and Anna barked, and off they went, whirring into the trees. 

Sonya had to admit-- it was very freeing using her ODM gear in the forest with no goal of slaughtering a wooden titan, without any officers barking at her to straighten her posture. 

“Check this out!” She called to Anna, and used the momentum she had built to launch herself into a backflip-- she clumsily regained balance, causing Anna to laugh as they continued onward. 

“How much farther in?” Anna asked.

“Can’t be that far--” Sonya began, but stopped cold as she saw the bottom half of a Survey Corps members’ body hanging limply over a low tree branch. Sticky red blood was oozing out of the exposed guts, and Sonya almost slammed into a tree if she didn’t stop herself in time. Anna had stopped, too-- the two girls looked at each other, panic-stricken and sick. 

“What…” Anna whispered. 

“I don’t know.” Sonya felt a sort of gear shift in her brain as she looked away from the soldiers’ body. A static-filled numbness took over. “We need to keep going-- but let’s get higher up.”

Anna nodded, and they continued. Sonya was right-- it wasn’t much farther until they reached the rest of the Corps, who were all perched high above their goal, staring down in terror. Sonya almost smacked into one of the soldiers from her training-- Alfonse Gunther. 

“Watch it!” He cried. “Wait-- what are you doing here?”

“We came to see what was happening…” Sonya mumbled, although looking below told her everything. There they were: about ten or fifteen titans, standing among the wrecked safe house, staring up at the Corps with dead, hungry eyes. 

“They just came out of nowhere!” Alfonse said. “They got my brother… They got Hans…” His voice broke off, and he didn’t say anything more.

“We can’t leave now that they’ve seen us-- they’ll just follow and that’ll send them straight to the rest of the Corps.” Edith Gutherie, a veteran soldier, said grimly. She had her blades out and ready, and yet she made no move on the titans. She glared up at a branch occupied by Commander Erwin and Captain Levi. “They haven’t given us orders yet… They’re scared to risk lives unnecessarily. After the last mission… we lost too many soldiers. We can’t afford to lose more until the next round of recruits come in.”

“Then why did we go on this mission in the first place?!” Ernst Klauffman, another new recruit, shrieked. “Why did we come out here and risk all these lives, huh?!”

“There’s eight months food and water down there, soldier!” Edith snapped. “In case you haven’t noticed, food is becoming scarcer by the day, and financial support for the Corps is at an all-time low. If you want to eat and keep your position in your comfortable living quarters, I suggest you keep quiet and follow orders.”

Sonya said nothing, she only stared at Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. They were stoic as usual, never allowing their inner emotions to betray their outward appearance. She glanced at the soldiers around her, all clearly waiting for any sort of command, and turned to glare back at Commander Erwin.

“Commander!” She yelled sharply, and both he and Levi turned their piercing gazes on her. Now that she had their attention-- and everyone else’s, for that matter, she grew suddenly self-conscious. Was it right of her to yell like that? Nevermind-- forget it, now is not the time to think about it. “Orders?”

Commander Erwin paused. “The plan,” he called, “is this. There are a total of fifteen titans of the 10-meter class below us. Therefor, fifteen veteran soldiers will be tasked with taking them out.” He listed the names of the soldiers, including Captain Levi and Edith Gutherie. “However, we cannot risk killing them while they are around our supplies, for we risk them damaging all of the food and water when they fall. Half of you all will join the fifteen veteran soldiers by working as a group to lure the titans away from the supplies. The other half of you will join me in descending, packing our supplies on our carts, and exiting the forest. Once the titans are slain, the rest of you will join us outside the forest, and we retreat.” 

The soldiers all nodded-- Sonya felt herself tense up, and instinctively unsheathed her blades. 

“You don’t need to do that-- you can count on us.” Edith said with a little smile.

“I’m sure I can count on you,” Sonya said grimly, “but I’d rather prepare for the worst.” 

And so the plan was set in motion. The scouts divvied themselves up, with Anna being part of the group to retrieve supplies and Sonya to lure the titans away. The soldiers began their move, but the titans still seemed intent on watching the others, staying still in the trees. 

“Drop lower!” Captain Levi commanded, and reluctantly, the troops descended a few branches. Still, the titans did not seem to notice or care.

“Are they abnormals?” Edith wondered aloud. 

Sonya gritted her teeth-- and without thinking, she swooped down, swinging directly in front of one of the titan’s monstrous eyes. That caught its attention. It turned towards her with a sickening grin, and sluggishly began to reach for her. 

“Sonya!” Anna screamed, just as Sonya pulled herself up, using an excessive amount of gas on the way. She clumsily perched in a tree, and watched with satisfaction as the titans began to turn their attention on her and the other soldiers. 

“Good work, Sonya!” Edith called, and the other soldiers followed suit, dropping to Sonya’s level as the titans began to trudge their way away from the supplies. 

Sonya caught Anna’s gaze high up in the trees, and for her sake, she flashed her a confident thumbs-up. Inwardly, her heart was racing and her limbs felt hollow. She was sure that she was going to throw up at any moment, but she pushed on, following behind the soldiers. 

“We’ll get them surrounded in that clearing up ahead,” Captain Levi called, gesturing to a sunlit absence of trees in front of them. 

And so the soldiers went-- swooping right by the titans noses, narrowly missing their giant hands, until they reached the clearing. 

Captain Levi, Edith, and the other thirteen veteran soldiers took their places in the branches as the titans stumbled right into their trap. Some of the other soldiers had followed Sonya’s idea and stood with their swords unsheathed, just in case. 

“Now!” Captain Levi commanded, and the soldiers whizzed forward, slicing and spinning with rapid movements. Sonya was impressed by Captain Levi especially-- he seemed to literally be flying, a focused concentration of death for titans. The veteran soldiers made quick work, luckily-- all except for one.

“Captain!!” One of the soldiers-- Klaus Vernon-- screeched. He was trapped in the grip of a titan, one with brown hair and a permanent frown. It’s monstrous jaw gaped open, bringing Klaus right up to its slimy tongue. 

Captain Levi grunted, pushing off of the titan he had just slaughtered, and swung around to the back of the titan gripping Klaus. Before the titan could bring its jaws down to crush Klaus, Levi dealt the finishing blow, and Klaus was released from its grip. As he fell, Edith swooped in to catch him and bring him to safety on a branch. 

Levi wiped some blood off of his cheek with a grimace as steam fizzled off of his cloak. 

“Move back to the supplies.” He ordered, and so they went. 

When the troops made it back to the supplies, they had made pretty fast progress on loading everything on to the carts. 

“Any casualties?” Commander Erwin asked Levi as he joined him. 

“Klaus got grabbed by a titan, but otherwise no.” Levi reported.

Sonya went to join Anna, who was on the fringes of the supply yard, loading food on to the carts. Now that danger was relatively gone, she was brimming with excitement to tell Anna about seeing the veterans in action. Before she made it to Anna, though, something made her stop cold. 

Behind her friend, shrouded in the shadows of the trees, there was something glistening-- something moving. Sonya’s breath caught in her throat-- was that…?

“Anna!” She shrieked, but it was too late. A monstrous hand was reaching towards her friend, and it was moving much faster than the titans Sonya had just seen. Anna looked behind her, and screamed just as fingers wrapped around her arms, pinning them to her torso, and she was lifted off the ground. Anna kicked and screamed, and as the titan brought itself up to reveal itself, it was too late. 

The five-meter titan brought Anna into its mouth head-first, and snapped her body in half as its jaws closed. 

Sonya’s feet were glued to the floor-- no one was closer to this situation than her, and all she had done was watch her friend get eaten. The crunching of Anna’s bones rung in Sonya’s ears, and as the crouching titan turned its hungry eyes towards her, she felt a gear shift in her brain once more. 

Numb and angry, Sonya charged straight at the titan. She could hear the other soldiers yelling at her to stop distantly, and as she leapt from the ground, deploying her gear to swing around and behind the titan, her unsheathed blades and the nape of its neck were all that she chose to focus on. As she made her way behind the titan, she readied herself, attaching her wire to its neck and bringing herself forward. 

Using all of her strength, she made the cut she had made a hundred times before-- while cutting through flesh felt much different than cutting through leather, the result was the same. The titan fell, with Anna’s blood staining its mouth, and Sonya held on to it on the ride down. 

Steam surrounded her as the body began to decompose-- she detached herself from the corpse, and stumbled onto solid ground. At the edges of her vision, she could see the soldiers running up to her to see if she was hurt, other soldiers deploying ODM and whisking off into the trees. Sonya paid them no mind. She fell on all fours, and retched onto the forest floor.


	3. the collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is pretty short-- things will pick up soon bc ive decided i dont want this to be as slow a burn as i want it to be lmfao. thank u for reading love u bye

Blood.

The smell of it was what caught her off-guard-- how the steam from the titan mixed with the blood of her friend. It was tangy, metallic; it stung Sonya’s eyes and lingered in the back of her throat. 

She remembered that after vomiting on all fours, she had turned in a frenzy back to the titan’s body-- to Anna’s crushed body-- to try and salvage something, anything, to bring back.

Bring back? Back to who? 

As she dumbly rummaged through the forestry now mixing with Anna’s sticky blood, her hands got more and more stained-- red, red, red. Eventually, it was Edith who gently pulled her away and onto a cart, while the other soldiers surrounded the carts both on the ground and in the trees on the move out. 

Sonya didn’t remember how they got out of the forest-- she remembered staring back at that place for as long as she could. Even as it exited her vision, the trees and expanse of greenery blocking her view, she could picture it vividly as a screen over her world. The ground, and the blood, and Anna, and the titan. Monster, beast-- terrible words couldn’t do it justice. 

She remembered Captain Levi, strangely enough-- she remembered what he did. 

She had been sitting on a rock, while the troops stopped to water the horses and correct their trajectory after avoiding multiple titans. The sun was just about to set-- the world was golden all the way to the horizon, and the warmth of the sunlight seeped into Sonya’s bones, for a moment quelling her cold numbness. She sat with her arms in her lap, hands limply laying palms-up. Bits of dried leaves and sticks were glued there, pasted on by blood. Her hands almost looked brown in the shadows. 

“Sonya.”

She looked up, to find Captain Levi kneeling in front of her. He gazed at her, with what she was surprised to find, compassion. His steely gray eyes were not scrutinizing for once, but almost warm, reflective in the sunlight. 

“Your hands.”

Sonya looked down.

“They’re filthy.”

She nodded. Indeed, they were a grotesque sight to say the least. 

A dampened white handkerchief plopped down onto her palms, which gave her a bit of a surprise. Before she could react any further, Levi had reached out, and began gently wiping away the dried blood and twigs. 

He didn’t say much of anything, but Sonya was glad for it-- she couldn’t process words in that moment. The cloth was soft, and she even stole a look at his face as he wiped her hands. He was calm, focused-- endearing. While her brain was fuzz and static, the sight of such a terrifying man washing her hands with such tenderness filled her with a warmth akin to the setting sun.

The one thing she managed to say was, “I’ll clean that for you when we get back.”

As Levi finished cleaning her hands, he tucked his handkerchief away in his pocket. He looked at her, unexpressive gray eyes glinting in the sunlight. “You won’t do it right.” And before he left, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a torn piece of cloth. He handed it to Sonya. “To remember her.”

It was the insignia of the corps, taken from Anna’s jacket-- the corners were stained a little, but Sonya didn’t care. She felt tears well up in her eyes, and she remembered looking up to say thank you just as the captain was walking away.

She didn’t see Captain Moblit casting a confused glance to Captain Levi, who refused to explain himself to anyone as he mounted his horse.

Sonya remembered getting back on Chuck with some difficulty, refusing to ride in the carts Anna died for, and she remembered returning through the gates, back into the safety of the walls.

As Sonya now sat in her room-- the one she shared with Anna-- she couldn’t help but remember how he said her name more than anything: softly, kindly. He had said her first name, too. Not the annoyed “Romanova,” he would say when he was scolding her or correcting her. He must have been acting kind because she had lost her friend. 

Sonya sat at their desk and stared out the window. Her head rested in her hand, propped up by the table. The world outside was now cast in a blue hue, but Sonya wasn’t staring because she appreciated the stars. She couldn’t bear to sleep in her bed, the one right below Anna’s. 

Little figurines which Anna had carved from wood littered the desk-- Sonya remembered telling Anna to put them away because they were getting to be too cluttered in their little space. Now she wished she hadn’t. 

A little bear. Sonya picked it up; this was one of Anna’s first. She remembered not recognizing the absurd shape as a bear, and Anna rolling her eyes and muttering something about Sonya being annoying. 

Someone knocked on the open door, and Sonya turned to find Peter, standing with two cups of steaming tea and a little smile. 

“Hey,” He said.

“Hi,” Sonya said. 

Peter sheepishly entered the room. Sonya noticed that he seemed to suddenly not know how to act around her. 

“Um, it’s past curfew,” Sonya said, leaning a little in her chair to sort of look out into the hallway. 

“I know, I know.” Peter set a cup down on the desk, and took a seat on Sonya’s bed. “I just… I dunno. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me, neither.” Sonya admitted. She picked up the cup. “Thanks.”

Peter nodded. They sat there for a while, sipping their tea late into the night. Eventually, they spoke about Anna, and the Underground, and each admitted to the other how scared they were. 

“I killed a titan,” Sonya said, “and it didn’t matter. She still…” 

“It did matter.” Peter insisted. “It mattered-- the titan wasn’t able to kill you or anyone else. It… had to have mattered.” 

Sonya took a sip of her tea. “Is this what our life is gonna be like, from now on? Sitting back after expeditions, remembering those we lost, thinking of how we could have done better.” 

Peter didn’t say anything-- he didn’t know what to say. “We didn’t even really get a choice. It was this or the Underground.”

“After today,” Sonya said, “is this really better?”

[-]

Harsh sunlight woke Sonya up; she must have forgotten to close the curtains. She groaned, rolled over, and pulled her blanket over her head. For a moment, she laid there in peace, until her consciousness reminded her of what time it was-- and then panic set in. 

She leaped out of bed with a gasp, and fumbled to get her uniform on. As she sprinted out of her room, she dreaded what might await her in the dining hall and the rest of the day. She hadn’t been able to sleep after Peter left-- her cheeks were tight and eyes red from the amount of crying the night before. And today was a new day-- she suspected that the Survey Corps had little time to grieve, and the more hardened veterans likely didn’t have much patience for the new recruits who were recently bereaved. Sonya had to face the day, whether Anna was there or not-- and it killed her that she had to go on. It felt selfish.

Sonya rounded a corner at record speed, and proceeded to smack right into none other than Captain Levi, who just so happened to be carrying a scalding hot cup of tea. 

The liquid splashed onto the both of them in the collision, which knocked Sonya on her rear with a yelp. Captain Levi grimaced, and just barely managed to keep his hold on his cup-- he silently cursed at the burn on his skin from the tea. 

He fixed Sonya with a glare that could kill, but paused when he saw that it was her. Before he said anything rash, he took a deep breath. 

“Romanova,” He said. “You weren’t at breakfast today.”

Sonya scrambled to her feet. “No, sir… I, uh-- I didn’t sleep well last night.”

Levi sighed. “Are you hurt?”

“Huh?”

“From the tea. Are you alright?”

“Oh.” Sonya glanced down at her uniform, and found after the adrenaline rush that her skin did, in fact, burn quite badly. “Yes, I’m alright.” 

Levi narrowed his eyes. He reached out, and tugged at the hem of her shirt, sticking out of her trousers. “Your uniform was a mess before you bumped into me. Your shirt is untucked, boots not shined.” He let out a ‘tsk’. “Clearly, you are not fit for duty today.” He locked eyes with her. “Take the day off.”

Sonya blinked-- she held his gaze for a few seconds more than she should have, and felt a warm tightness in her gut. Without realizing it, she smiled gratefully. 

“Thank you, sir.”


	4. the kindling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot of backstory im sorryyyhghghghfskdfg but it will all pay off i promise this is all for the greater good hahaha love u bye

“Beautiful, girl,” He said dreamily, his cigarette dangling out of his mouth precariously. “Pirouette again-- relax your neck more, darling.”

Sonya did as he asked-- the man in question being Alexander. She knew him by no other name, but she didn’t need to. The mere mention of his name was enough to give her butterflies. 

There he sat, perched among the dim candlelight of Genie’s Palace. They were closed for now, but were set to open for the night in about half an hour. Sonya glided across the floor, stepping obediently in time to his whispered counting: “One, two, three, four, five, six.” She spun, her gaze glued to the post by the door, whipping around to stare back at it again as she finished her turn. Her feet were bruised, calloused, but her poise was incredible. As she gently dipped down, her leg following in a sweeping motion, Alexander placed a hand over his heart, letting out a sigh. When Sonya came to her finishing pose, her fingers placed just so, he graciously applauded her. She beamed, her cheeks flushed and heart racing. 

“Just exquisite.” He murmured, running a hand through his light brown curly hair as he put out his cigarette. 

“Exquisite?” Sonya repeated. She was but twelve, and already in love. 

“It means…” Alexander pondered it for a moment. “Divine.”

“Divine.” Sonya said, tasting the word with a smile. She knew what that meant-- he had used it before, the last time he had come to visit. The man before her had been visiting since she was about four years old. He himself was a dancer, and took a liking to little Sonya the first time they met. All she knew about him was that he danced, was a frequent customer of her mothers, and that she was madly in love with him. 

She still did not fully understand what her mother's job was-- she knew that her mother and all the other ladies flirted with the men who came in, and eventually took them upstairs to flirt with them some more. Sonya was not allowed upstairs, under any circumstances. 

“You’d better put all that back before we open.” Herschel said sternly from the bar. She was glaring something fierce at Alexander, referencing how the two of them had shoved all of the chairs and tables to the edge of the room in order to create a makeshift dance floor. “Sonya, darlin, you’ll break your feet, dancin’ on your tippy-toes like that.” 

“Never.” Sonya said with a gleeful twirl. 

“Is Maria feeling better?” Alexander asked quietly, putting his hat back on. 

Herschel didn’t answer at first; it was clear that neither she, nor any of the other girls of the brothel enjoyed Alexander’s presence. “She’s getting better.”

Sonya nodded. “Every day, mother seems to get stronger.”

Alexander placed a hand on her shoulder with a smile. “That’s good. Let her know I asked about her, will you?”

“Alexander,” Herschel sighed. “It’s better if we don’t mention you… for now. Until the sickness passes.”

Alexander said nothing, though Sonya could tell that he was hurt. 

“Come, Sonya, let’s put the room back together.” He murmured, giving her a gentle pat. 

[-]

The town outside the Survey Corps HQ was bustling with activity; it was late in the morning, yet the smell of breakfast food from nearby restaurants steamed the air deliciously. Lining the streets in all directions were carts selling fruits, vegetables, textiles, anything anyone could imagine. 

Sonya was unashamedly in love with the surface world-- she had been since she was first brought above for training. Once Captain Levi had given her leave to take the day off, Sonya had changed out of her uniform into her civilian clothes: a simple white top she had sewn herself, with the sleeves coming down just below her elbow, and a deep red skirt that came down just below her knees. She rarely got to wear normal clothes, and while she loved the official demeanor she fell into while in uniform, it felt incredibly freeing to walk amongst the civilians of Trost without their stares and glares influenced by the varying opinions of the Survey Corps. 

A little stand featuring whittled figurines caught her eye, and a pang of guilt rushed through Sonya as she thought of Anna. While her friend was rotting away in the forest, torn to pieces, Sonya was enjoying her time in the city. She looked away, already feeling tears stinging the back of her eyes. 

“Pardon me, young lady,” An old woman called to her from her stand. Sonya, a little startled, slowly went over to her. “I couldn’t help but notice you look a bit sad.” The woman said, and gestured to her wares. “Perhaps a nice ribbon for your hair will lift your spirits-- I have a red one here that will go wonderfully with your skirt!”

Sonya, a little annoyed that her grief was being exploited for profit, allowed herself to be wooed by material items for the time being, grateful for the distraction. 

“It is pretty,” She commented, holding the soft, delicate silk in her hands. Herschel would use ribbons like these to wrap around the back of men’s necks, to lure them closer. She smiled a little at the memory of Herschel teaching her one night, while they were closing up-- it was a funny little gesture, and Sonya remembered pulling away in embarrassment, giggling behind her hand. 

“Don’t be shy, dearie!” Herschel laughed. “You’re so pretty, it’s a privilege to look at you up close.”

“You were gonna kiss me!” Sonya had justified, turning scarlet red-- as red as the ribbon. “I don’t know how to kiss.”

“It’s real easy, honey.” Herschel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Want me to show you?”

And that was Sonya’s first kiss. A little juvenile, silly-- but she enjoyed kissing someone she trusted, and someone who cared for her deeply. For a fleeting moment, Sonya wondered what Herschel was up to now; she hoped she was still alive, at the very least.

“I’ll take it.” Sonya smiled. The old woman was delighted, but as Sonya reached into her bag to pay, a certain something caught her eye. “Wait,” She said. “How much for that?”

[-]

Maria took a lazy drag of her cigarette, her head resting in her hand as she stared out the window of the kitchen absently. There she and Sonya sat, at the table after Genie’s Palace had just closed. The street lamp flickered outside, giving some sort of semblance of atmosphere to their world. Sonya’s hands were folded in her lap, looking down in shame, as her cheek stung red from the strike of the woman who sat before her. 

“You should’ve known,” Maria said finally, tapping the ash off of her cigarette. “Men who come in here… none of them are good.”

Sonya said nothing; she just bit her lip. 

“He tried to use you, make you seem like you were better than this place.” Maria shook her head. “Down here, nobody is better than anybody. Remember that.”

“He said he could take me up there.” Sonya muttered, glancing at her sack of belongings by the door. A symbol of her failure to run away. 

“What you say?” Maria said sharply, hooking Sonya with her drunken glare. After a moment, Sonya bravely met the eyes of her mother. 

“He said I could be a dancer up there.” She repeated. “He said I have talent.” At sixteen, Sonya had only gotten more beautiful-- a clear mark of danger, being where she was.

“Oh, is that what he said?” Maria nodded. “Well, he said he loved me, and look where that got us.”

“...What?” Sonya’s voice cracked. 

“Got us nothin’ but what we already have. He’s back up there… wooing some other poor girl into his sack.” Maria took another drag. “Men like him, they don’t keep their secrets. They don’t tell the truth. They just look at ya for as long as yer pretty, and when they get bored…” She took a swig of her dark drink, “they leave.”

Sonya sat in silence. She looked down, at her bruised and calloused feet. Her sore legs, arms-- the scuffed floors, everything around her was a mark of Alexander. She loved him… she loved him. And as she sat, wondering where her identity was if not strapped to him, she slowly realized that he did not and never would love her back.

[-]

The sun was setting by the time Sonya returned to HQ-- just in time for dinner. She trotted up the steps that led to the dining hall, and once she was inside, she decided she might make a cup of tea before she went to eat. 

Walking down the hallway towards the small kitchen area where the tea was housed, she noticed that the door to it was slightly ajar; and inside, a candle was lit. As she came closer, she heard familiar voices speaking in hushed tones inside. Curiously, Sonya pushed the door open slowly and poked her head in.

Hange, Erwin, Levi, Eld and Moblit all sat at the table, leaning in to each other intently. As soon as Sonya was noticed, they halted their conversation and stared at her in surprise.

“Oh,” Sonya said, surprised to find them all gathered in there during dinner. She suspected she had stumbled into a conversation she should not have. “Um, I’m sorry-- excuse me…” She turned to leave.

“I told you we should have moved to Erwin’s office.” Levi sighed.

“No, wait,” Hange said, “everyone will find out tomorrow, anyway. Right, Erwin?”

“She’s trustworthy.” Moblit said, and Sonya got the feeling that she probably didn’t want to know what they were discussing, anyway. “And Hange’s probably going to explode if she doesn’t at least tell someone.” 

“Really, it’s fine; I can go.” Sonya insisted.

But everyone waited on Erwin. He was staring at Sonya, studying her, with his hands folded on the table, his back straight. His expression betrayed nothing, and the more he looked at her, the smaller she felt. She shifted her feet, and couldn’t help but steal a glance at Levi, ever the picture of relaxation. 

After an eternity, Erwin nodded.

“Oi, just close the door behind you, would you?” Levi said. “And be smarter than Moblit this time, and lock it behind you.” 

Sonya smiled at that, amused to see her squad leader shoot a glare at Levi. She obediently sat after closing and locking the door, plopping her bag of wares beside her. Levi’s gaze followed her as she sat, his arms folded over his chest comfortably while a cup of tea sat steaming in front of him. 

“Enjoy your day off, did you?” He murmured, though he didn’t seem judgmental-- perhaps pleased with himself?

“Very much.” Sonya nodded. “Thank you, again.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t mess up your uniform on purpose in the hopes I’ll give you another day off.” He warned. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.” Sonya couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

Hange cleared her throat, her eyes darting between the two of them excitedly. “All right, can I tell her?”

“Hurry it up.” Levi scoffed. 

“Sonya,” Hange said, almost buzzing with energy. “Our next expedition, which will take place in two weeks’ time, is going to be… historic.” 

“Okay…” Sonya said cautiously.

“In two weeks, Sonya…” Hange clasped her hands together. “For the first time in human history... We will set out on an expedition to capture a titan!”


	5. the discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay this chapter has more levi i feel like ive been neglecting him recently haha things are gonna start picking up! i hope u all are enjoying this so far, thank u for reading love u bye

A thick silence filled the room; Hange sat back, proud of herself, and of the fact that Sonya was speechless. Her jaw hung open, her gaze dropped to the table in front of her. 

“Capture… one of those… things?” She said quietly. 

“Yes!” Hange said. “Imagine how much we’ll learn! We might be able to dissect it, maybe even develop some kind of communication with it… the possibilities are endless!”

“We’ll need to establish an area to hold it, first.” Moblit interjected. “We can’t just keep it in the dining hall or something.”

“Obviously, we will set to work on building an area to hold the titan starting tomorrow.” Erwin said calmly, taking a sip from his tea. “We should take all necessary precautions, and then some.”

While the officers sat and discussed the matter nonchalantly, Sonya was thrown into a state of panic and anger. How dare they? How dare they think that they could capture a titan and treat it as if it were something fascinating, something valuable to learn from? How dare they even give it the respect of a caged dog? Capturing a titan was too humane, in Sonya’s eyes. While the officers seemed to be relatively unbothered-- rather, quite excited-- at the prospect of capturing a titan, Sonya couldn't believe what she was hearing. How could they open the gates to their home, and willingly usher in evil? All she could think of was how easily Anna’s body was ripped in two, as if she were a stale piece of bread… 

“Sonya.”

Levi’s voice beside her brought her up to the surface. Sonya’s breath hitched as she turned to look at him-- he was gazing at her intently, studying her, while the rest of the officers chattered on. 

“Sorry.” She said instinctively, rubbing her forehead. No-- she shouldn’t be sorry. She needed to speak up for Anna. 

Sonya set her jaw, and lifted her chin bravely to glare straight at Erwin. “Commander,” She said.

Erwin and the others stopped speaking politely, and turned to Sonya. 

“Yes?” Erwin said.

“I don’t think this is right. At all.” Sonya was incredibly tense, but she needed to keep her composure in order to get her point across. “I think capturing a titan is too humane. Those… those monsters have killed so many of our comrades, and you want to-- to chain one up and hold a magnifying glass up to its eye to see if it blinks?”

“Now that I think of it, I’ve never seen one blink…” Hange muttered under her breath.

Sonya huffed in annoyance. “Not only is it wrong morally, but lawfully-- I mean, isn’t that violating of one of those treaties, or whatever they’re called? Isn’t it illegal to do anything that puts humanity at risk? Wouldn’t you agree that capturing a titan, bringing it here, where there’s thousands of humans…” Sonya had to take a deep breath. Her voice was getting louder, and she was visibly becoming more upset. After a moment, she continued. “I just don't think it's wise to capture a titan with our present set of tools. We should advance our own technology or something, maybe make specialized equipment before we jump into a situation like this.”

Erwin sat, gazing at the table thoughtfully in silence. The rest of the officers looked rather stoic, processing all of what Sonya said. Timidly, she glanced at Levi out of the corner of her eye, because she found that she cared what he thought. To her irritation, he looked neutral as ever, not betraying a single emotion.

“You may be right.” Erwin finally said. Sonya didn't hide her surprise in her face, as she stared incredulously at her fair-haired commander. “This is a gamble. Not only will securing the titan in a safe place be challenging, but the act alone of capturing a titan will be an incredible feat, requiring large amounts of skill.” He folded his hands, perching them under his chin. “However, the only way we have made any progress in the past was by taking risks. By gambling. The modern navigating system we use today with our flares outside the walls was once a gamble-- and while the risk we took still resulted in multiple casualties,” He glanced for a moment at Levi, “ultimately, it paid off.” Levi stared at Erwin for a moment, and Sonya wondered what the unspoken line of communication was.

Erwin rose, placing his hands on the table. “It was smart of you to think of the lawful implications of what we are doing-- for once, we cannot move under the noses of the Military Police or the Noblemen, as the attention on the Survey Corps has been heightened due to our higher than normal mortality rate recently. Therefore,” He looked up, and hooked Sonya with his piercing stare. “I am assigning you to visit the Capitol with me, Hange, Levi, and Moblit to submit our formal proposal to the parliament.” 

“Wh-- huh?” Sonya said, completely blind-sided. “Why?”

“It will be beneficial to have your viewpoint coming from our side-- a new recruit who doesn't agree with us.” Erwin said matter-of-factly. 

“The Military Police will love you.” Eld said with a smirk. 

Sonya sat, left with her mouth gaping for the second time that night.

“Well! That settles it.” Hange said with a smile. “I’m starving-- let’s go to dinner!”

And before she knew it, the officers were up and exiting the little kitchen, chatting about this and that as if a serious discussion hadn’t just taken place. 

“Are you gonna sit there with your mouth open the whole night?” Levi asked irritably, nudging her arm as he stood up, taking a last swig of his tea. 

Sonya jumped a little, becoming irritated with herself that she had been caught off-guard too much recently. With a sigh, she stood, joining the Captain in the hallway leading to the dining area. She wasn’t feeling very hungry after the discussion she had stumbled upon; all she really wanted to do was curl up under about a million blankets and sleep for a few days.

“Sonya,” Levi said quietly, stopping her in her tracks. Sonya turned to see Levi staring out of the window to their right, looking at nothing in particular. The setting sun cast that same golden hue from the day before, when she had heard him say her first name for the first time. “Think what you want. Trust your gut-- it might not always be right, but in the end, the most valuable thing is that you decide for yourself how to think and what to do. However,” with a huff, he crossed his arms. “When it comes to Erwin or Hange… you can trust them, too.”

Sonya didn’t say anything; she simply took in the sight of the man considered to be the most skilled killer in all of humanity. He stood before her with such ease, and he spoke with such assurance-- while Captain Levi was rightly recognized as terrifying and cruel, Sonya had seen nothing but compassion recently. She liked having small moments with the Captain-- it made her feel less alone.

“I’ll trust them,” she said finally, “because I trust you.”

That caused Levi to hook her gaze with his own, and for a fleeting moment, Sonya thought she saw-- was that gratitude? While holding eye contact with the dark-haired man was intimidating more than anything, she felt like it was the most natural thing in the world; she could do this for hours.

Before she got completely lost in the moment, Sonya remembered what she had bought in town.

“Oh! Levi-- erm, Captain.” She quickly corrected herself, smiling nervously as she reached in her bag, pulling out a white handkerchief. “I saw this in town; thought you might need a new one.”

Levi looked down in surprise, staring at the piece of cloth. Sonya couldn’t believe she had surprised him with nothing more than a handkerchief, and when his gaze shot back up to meet hers, she saw that he looked confused more than anything. Did he really forget what had happened yesterday?

Her green eyes held his dark grey ones for quite some time-- neither was sure how to break this interaction off, but neither of them really wanted it to end. She felt her insides coil tighter the longer they held eye contact, and finally, she looked away with a nervous laugh and a dopey smile. 

“Well, anyway, I hope you like it.” Sonya wasn’t sure what to do with the handkerchief, but paused, and decided to do a very Herschel-like thing. Why? Just for the fun of it, she reasoned. 

Sonya reached down, bravely grabbed Levi’s hand, and placed the handkerchief in his grasp, slowly folding his fingers over the cloth. She looked him in the eyes once again, and found that once her gaze met his, he raised his eyebrow ever so slightly. Was that… a challenge? For her to do something more? She felt a warmth begin to spread from her gut, blossoming throughout her nerves. Sonya was a coward; she gave him a little smile-- and before he could say or do anything, she swished down the hallway fast enough so that he didn’t see her blush and smile even wider to herself. 

[-]

“I think it's amazing!” Ada Klaufman exclaimed, rubbing the window in front of her with vigor. 

Sonya, Ada, and Mabel Schmidt were assigned with cleaning the west of HQ's windows for the start of the afternoon. Their morning had started with breakfast, and then they were summoned to the courtyard for an announcement from Commander Erwin. The soldiers had chattered amongst themselves about what the meeting could possibly be about, while Sonya knew with a sort of sense of dread. 

The night before, she had been trying to convince herself to come around to the idea of capturing and aiding in the keeping of a titan, but each time she thought of the grotesque lips masking dangerous teeth, the stench of rot steaming from their hollow bodies, the dead, hungry eyes… 

She could feel nothing but rage for titans at the moment. In some rational part of her mind, Sonya was thinking that capturing a titan would be a means to an end: a relatively small action taken to ensure the safety and survival of mankind. If they had a titan within arms reach and were able to study it and take it apart, surely they could learn some sort of new information about them. She knew that, in some way-- but for now, she was choosing not to accept it. 

Outwardly, though, Sonya chose to display herself as neutral. That tactic had saved her many times in the past, as she had never gotten on anyone’s bad side. So, as Erwin gave the announcement of the upcoming expedition to the soldiers in the courtyard, she kept her face as stoic as possible while the soldiers around her visibly reacted, either murmuring their doubts or declaring their pride. The conversations and debates about the upcoming expedition spread among the soldiers, and it was all anyone seemed to be talking about.

And, as Sonya, Mabel, and Ada cleaned the windows, they took part in the conversation as well.

“I think we should be careful.” Mabel said while she scrubbed at her own window pane. “If we get too hasty, who knows what could happen?”

“Well, worst case scenario is the titan breaks free and eats everyone, then somehow finds a way to open the gate and then let all of his friends in.” Sonya joked-- but Mabel and Ada didn’t laugh. In fact, they stopped their actions cold to look at Sonya as if she were insane.

Ada coughed to clear the tension. “Uh… Hey, Sonya, I heard Captain Levi gave you the day off yesterday?” 

“Yeah,” Sonya smiled. “I went into town and I got this.” She gestured to the red ribbon currently securing her chestnut curly hair in a bun. Despite how tightly she put her hair up at the beginning of every day, it always found ways to slowly poke out and around her head, giving the skilled soldier an heir of constant messiness. Which, given the state of her living quarters, wasn’t an entirely false look. 

“It’s pretty.” Mabel smiled, and shot a playful look at Ada. “Ada was just asking because she’s madly in love with the Captain.”

Sonya involuntarily let out a loud laugh. 

“What?!” Ada almost shrieked, gripping her cleaning rag with ferocity. “I told you never to tell anyone!”

“Sorry!” Mabel laughed. “I just thought Sonya ought to know, so that she doesn’t put the moves on your man.” 

“I don’t think anybody can succeed in putting any moves on Levi.” Sonya laughed. “He wouldn’t know how to respond to anything!”

“I bet Ada would know how to seduce him-- she’s probably imagined it a million times.” Mabel grinned. 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Ada was now hiding her face in her hands, the only thing visible being her strawberry blonde hair in two braids. 

“Your ears are as red as your hair!” Sonya could barely hold it together, seeing Ada in such a state. 

“Tell us, Ada, how would you woo the Captain?” Mabel put the back of her hand on her forehead dramatically, and leaned into the stone wall of HQ. “Ohh, he’s so strong! I have the perfect wooden box for him to stand on so that he could kiss me!”

“He's not that short!” Ada protested, putting her hands on her hips, thus exposing her cherry red face to the delight of Sonya and Mabel.

“Oh, Captain Levi!” Sonya joined in, and dropped her rag on the floor. “I seem to have dropped my towel…” and she leaned down, legs straight, arching her back to stick her ass out suggestively in front of Ada while she retrieved her rag. Mabel was currently on the floor in hysterics, but not just because of Sonya’s antics.

“Ahem.” 

Right behind Ada was the one and only Captain Levi, with a perfect view of… everything Sonya and Mabel were doing. 

Sonya, of course, couldn't recognize the Captain based on the clearing of his throat alone, but she had a pretty good guess of just who was behind her, because the universe really loved fucking her over lately. She held her breath, and slowly stood up, suddenly feeling very small. Mabel's stifled laughter was the only sound in the hallway as Sonya turned around to face the Captain, who, she was surprised to find, looked painfully bored.

“Are you brats finished?” He sighed.

“Yes.” Sonya mumbled.

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow, and turned to peer out the window. “I can hardly see through clearly.”

Mabel groaned, grimacing as she glared up at the ceiling. 

“S-sorry, sir.” Ada said timidly. “We'll get right on it.” 

Levi glanced at Ada, who shrunk under his stare. “Don't be a dumbass,” he said, turning to look at Sonya, “and drop your rag on the floor. It can't be good for the windows.” 

“You're right, sir.” Sonya sighed-- he would not call her a dumbass and get away with it. “I have just the solution!” She exclaimed proudly, and right as she said that, she could tell that Levi had already guessed what she would say next, as he shifted from bored to straight up miffed. “Want me to spit on it?”


	6. the spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy this chapter is hella long! i had fun writing it tho, the scenery looks v pretty in my head!  
> the songs in this chapter are traditional germanic folk songs which i thought fit the world pretty well considering aot/snk is supposedly set in a germanic sort of historical world?? or thats what i heard,, pls correct me if im wrong! (i got the english translations for these songs from this website  
> additionally, the song i envision dimitri playing after the folk songs is andalucia in d major-- while its a spanish song, i just love it so much! you can listen to it here  
> and i promise all of the new characters introduced are relevant to the overall story!  
> and now i promise i will shut up hehe ok thank u for reading love u bye!

“I don’t understand why I had to pack four days’ worth of clothes.” Sonya commented as she got into the carriage with Hange and Moblit. After a full day of cleaning the stables and the showers as her punishment for getting cheeky with Captain Levi, Sonya was very sore and rather cranky that she had to leave her cozy HQ to spend at least two days in the capitol.

“The MPs and Parliament like to drag their feet when it comes to making decisions,” Hange sighed as she sat opposite Sonya, and Moblit took his seat beside Hange. “It’s always best to be prepared and pack more than you might need-- I found that out the hard way when they delayed approving Erwin’s new navigation system. We were only supposed to be there three days, but it took them a week and a half to decide!”

“A week and a half?!” Sonya exclaimed in dismay. 

“Don’t worry-- the first day will be easy. It’s kind of a buffer.” Moblit assured her. “We’ll get settled in at their HQ in the guest quarters, and then meet with the officials around dinner time.” 

“The real adventure comes tomorrow,” Hange said excitedly, “When we can debate the issue in front of Darius Zackly. He has the ultimate verdict on whether we can go ahead with the mission or not.”

“Since this is so monumental,” Moblit added, “representation for all three branches of military will be there. There’ll be some new recruits there, too, who were from your class-- so you won’t be completely alone.” He said helpfully.

Sonya nodded, looking out the window of the carriage at the rising sun. It was always so beautiful seeing the pastel blue and yellow the sky turned as the world awoke-- she only wished she could see the sun rise without the walls being in the way. 

“How long will it take for us to get there?” She asked.

“Hm, just over three hours.” Hange said, leaning back into her seat. “Perfect for a nap.”

“She can sleep anywhere.” Moblit chuckled, and Sonya smiled. Her mood was slightly lifted despite the fact that she had to be awoken at four in the fucking morning to pack and get ready to leave. She did feel a bit comforted that when they arrived, they wouldn’t jump straight into court and start debating. Sonya decided that Hange had the right idea, and she settled down as best she could in an attempt to sleep on the way there. 

[-]

“Oi, wake up, brat.”

Sonya made a face of utter disgust as she woke from her nap-- she was slumped against the side of the carriage, and as she opened her eyes, she first saw Levi, leaning against the opening of the carriage, pulling his hand away from gently slapping her cheek to wake her. Behind him, the sun was shining and Hange and Moblit were laughing.

“Wow, you sleep even deeper than Hange!” Moblit exclaimed. “We were practically yelling at you to wake up.”

“Did you not sleep at all last night?” Hange joked as Sonya just about fell out of the carriage, gripping Levi’s arm for support-- which he allowed, much to Moblit’s surprise. 

“I slept just fine-- I just had an exhausting day yesterday on account of me being a dumbass.” Sonya sighed, looking at Levi pitifully. She thought she saw the beginnings of a smile on his lips, but he just scoffed and went to join Erwin in grabbing their things from the separate carriage they had ridden in. 

The Survey Corps soldiers were escorted to their rooms-- Hange and Sonya were sharing a room, of course, and while this was all routine to the veterans, to Sonya, it was as if she had stepped into a castle. 

The rooms were huge, first of all, and the bathroom had two sinks and a shower! The beds were incredibly soft-- Sonya wanted to sink into hers the moment she sat on it.

“Maybe staying here for a while won’t be that bad.” She sighed contentedly, stretching out luxuriously on the bed, her shirt hiking up and exposing part of her waist. 

Hange laughed, dropping her bag of belongings on the floor before entering the bathroom to wash her hands. 

Levi came to the doorway, knocking on the open door to make his presence known. Sonya looked to her left, and smiled mischievously when she noticed his gaze inadvertently trailed over her exposed skin.

“Did you want something, Captain?” She asked, dripping her voice in sarcastic seduction. Levi rolled his eyes, and seemed to refuse to look at her again as he spoke to both her and Hange.

“We’re meeting with them in about thirty minutes.” He said, and pointedly avoided Sonya’s gaze as he turned and left their room. Hange hollered confirmation that she got his message from the bathroom, and Sonya smiled to herself-- it was too much fun messing with Levi. 

The four Survey Corps members met with the group of MPs in yet another beautiful room, with huge, framed paintings that Sonya couldn’t take her eyes off of. They discussed the pros and cons of the mission, the ground rules for the debate tomorrow, what time it would take place, and all that. The room seemed to be filled with tension, although Sonya could not understand why; but she could only guess that there was some sort of unspoken history between the three veteran Survey Corps soldiers and the three veteran MPs. The MP who had been part of Sonya’s class was called Olive Hammerstein-- a blonde, stuffy girl who Sonya remembered to be a sore loser. She hardly gave Sonya the time of day when they all entered the room at the start of the meeting; Sonya smugly suspected it was because she had beaten Olive all four times they had trained hand-to-hand. 

When the meeting finally ended and all the logistics were out of the way, the sun had set and it was time for dinner. As the soldiers headed to the dining hall, they passed some MPs out of uniform who shrewdly reminded them that it was the weekend, and the dining hall was not open for dinner on the weekend. They were in civilians clothes because they were headed out to town to eat, much to the irritation of the Survey Corps soldiers. 

“Well, there is that tavern in town we always used to visit-- what was it called, again?” Hange said.

“The Whistling Wind.” Erwin nodded with a smile. 

“Mm, their soup is to die for!” Moblit sighed happily; and so it was decided. Sonya was particularly excited, and as she and Hange changed into their civilian clothes, she confessed that she had never been to a tavern above ground before.

“Really?” Hange exclaimed. “Oh, wow-- well, you’re in for a real treat. Taverns in the interior are the best.”

And off they went-- and soon they arrived at the fabled Whistling Wind.

The tavern was lit rather brightly, with candles littering the tables and hung upon the walls and from the ceiling in crude chandeliers. Sonya, in spite of herself, didn’t even attempt to hide her joy at the sight before her; even the taverns above ground were beautiful. During her training, she had never really gotten the chance to explore any towns much. When she and Anna did get the chance to venture off training grounds, it was usually to just retrieve supplies for the troops, so they didn’t get to explore the towns that much-- but they did explore the woods on the way. 

It seemed as if everyone in the world were packed inside of the huge space, drinking wine out of goblets, laughing loudly and sharing in the gossip of the town. The smell of cigarette smoke hung in the air heavily, and spills and stains littered the wooden floor beneath her feet, but it was all so romantic to the small soldier. Here was life-- not survival, but thriving life.

She turned to Hange excitedly. “Is this how taverns are everywhere up here?”

“Oh, not really.” Hange said as their group made their way to a table that was unoccupied. “Most of the taverns near HQ are… eh, less high-class, I guess you could say.” 

“Evenin’, folks.” A voluptuous red-headed barmaid came up to their table, hand on her hip and rouge on her cheeks. “What’re y’all havin’?” She reminded Sonya so much of Herschel. 

“I’ll have whatever is the most popular thing!” Sonya called to her across the table and over the din. 

“Meade it is, then.” The woman nodded.

“Wine for me,” Hange said.

“And me.” Moblit grinned. 

“Nothing for me.” Erwin said, clearly not as enamored with his surroundings as Sonya was. 

“Black tea.” Levi said, eyeing a rather nasty looking stain on the table.

“What was that, honey?” The barmaid asked, clearly unable to hear him.

“I said, black tea.” He said a bit louder, clearly irritated that she didn’t get it the first time.

The barmaid let out a loud laugh at the odd request. “Alright, honey. Comin’ right up.” And she left.

“Oh, wow, look!” Sonya stood up to see above the heads of the crowded tavern, pointing to the other side of the room at the rickety old piano up against a wall. “A real life piano!”

“Have you never seen a piano before?” Hange asked, amazed.

Sonya shook her head. “No, but Alexander-- er, a friend from the Underground showed me what they looked like in this old book he had about taking care of one.” She smiled, remembering sitting on the floor with Alexander as he showed her the plethora of the black and white keys, the little hammers inside the intricate instrument. 

_“I’ll hum a tune for you-- I don’t think your mother would let you out of this place to see one.” Alexander half-joked, and closed his eyes, extending his hands out in front of him as if the piano were really there. He began humming, his fingers moving curiously, and Sonya had watched him with rapture._

Levi raised an eyebrow at Sonya, while Hange looked as if she had stumbled upon a pot of gold. 

“Oh, that’s right! I forgot you were raised in a brothel--” Hange stopped herself abruptly as the drinks came along with the barmaid, who passed them out in awkward silence. The barmaid was a little confused, but left the table when she was finished. “Er, sorry, Sonya-- I didn’t mean, uh, that is to say--”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sonya said through a smile, though it did sting a little, hearing that word. Sonya had only told Hange her situation, back then when she was recruited. She had obviously tried to keep where exactly she was raised a secret; it was enough of an issue that she came from the Underground. If her fellow soldiers knew she was the daughter of a whore… 

“Oh, great.” Moblit nodded towards the door of the tavern, where a group of MPs had just entered. While they were in civilians clothes, the veteran soldiers present could recognize them from interactions in the past. 

Unfortunately, Sonya recognized one as well: Kurt, Herschel's most popular customer. As soon as Sonya realized that was him, with his coiffed hair and overly-confident swagger, she sunk into her chair, almost hiding behind the huge flagon of mead in front of her. Great, first Hange bringing up where she was raised, and now Kurt entering the tavern? He was sure to embarrass Sonya if he recognized her.

“We should’ve guessed they’d come here.” Erwin sighed. 

“There goes our fun night off.” Moblit took a swig of his wine.

“Maybe we should go…” Sonya said sadly, taking a pitiful sip of the sour drink in front of her. She was surprised to find that despite how foul it tasted, it made her feel very warm and fuzzy. She eagerly took a few more gulps, to which Levi noticed with an heir of trepidation, well aware of how much a lightweight Sonya probably was. 

“You give up too easily.” Hange grinned, determined to fix Sonya’s mood. “The night is youn--”

She was drowned out as a chorus of singing began at the table next to them. A group of men, clearly drunk and happy about it, were singing a folk song that Sonya was surprised to find that she knew.

_“Love of the woods, love of the woods._

_Fills my heart as none else could._

_Dear little songbirds there, voice songs that fill the air,_

_Singing out clearly their, love of the woods.”_

The men repeated the song a second time, and Sonya couldn’t help but join in-- that was a song that Alexander had taught her! It filled her with a warmth that almost made her homesick for that little brothel she grew up in. As she sang along, she could almost smell the perfumed air, the smoke from candles and cigarettes. She imagined Alexander, lounging on a couch with her mother--

That left a sour taste in her mouth as she was abruptly brought out of her fantasies. The singing had come to an end, and the drunken men had noticed the pretty girl next to their table singing along with them.

“Hey, pretty lady.” One of them drawled, leaning over to get closer to her. He was old and ugly-- Sonya, being a professional flirter, had no interest in entertaining this man. Funny, she thought to herself, how her first instinct was whether or not she wanted to entertain him. She was her mother’s daughter, she reasoned.

Sonya shrunk back into herself, turning away-- one of the other men, younger and better looking, did not want to lose her attention.

“Uh, hey!” He called. “Do you know ‘Happy Is the Life of a Gypsy’?”

Sonya paused-- she did know that song, and it was one of her favorites. And this boy seemed to be a bit nicer…

“I do,” Sonya said, slipping into performance mode. “But I’ll only sing it if you sing with me.” She flashed him a smile, which she could see was exactly what he wanted. She knew how to play this game-- she had been taught how to win and manipulate it since she was thirteen years old.

“Now, just a minute!” Again, another man-- with brown curly hair and freckles-- stood drunkenly and proudly. “What’s a song without music?” And he made his way over to the piano.

“Oh, look at our regular show-off.” The young, attractive man rolled his eyes, although he was smiling. “Hey, wait!” He exclaimed as Sonya practically chased after him, desperate to hear what a piano sounded like in real life. She bet it couldn’t sound any better than Alexander’s humming.

“There she goes.” Hange laughed, delighted that Sonya was starting to enjoy herself.

“Should we stop her? I mean, what if those guys are bad news?” Moblit said.

“Let her do whatever she wants.” Levi shrugged. “Maybe she’ll tire out faster and then we can leave sooner.”

The curly-haired man took a seat at the piano, and the barmaid who served Sonya’s table smiled in delight.

“Everyone hush up a second; Dimitri is gonna play us a little somethin'!” She bellowed, and the entire tavern slowly quieted; it seemed everyone here knew this Dimitri, and loved his music. Sonya stood by the piano, staring at him eagerly.

Dimitri raised his hands, and started to play. The music coming from this instrument was more beautiful than Sonya could have ever imagined-- the sound so full, it enveloped her whole being. She was so wrapped up in the music, she almost forgot to sing.

The handsome young man had made his way next to Sonya by the time the song started:

_“Happy is the life of a Gypsy. Fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!_

_To the taxmen, he pays not a penny. Fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!_

_Happy, back in the woods, away. Where the Gypsies so often stay.”_

Filled with immense excitement and joy, Sonya couldn’t help but want to dance. She turned to the young man next to her, and grabbed his hands, pulling him to the small space reserved for dancing near the piano, and moved her feet in time to the pulsing music while she and the rest of the tavern sang the chorus. A few people even joined in dancing:

_“Fa-ria, fa-ria, fa-ria, Fa-ria, fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!”_

“My name’s Garrett!” The young man called over the din of the music and the tavern as he twirled a very happy Sonya. “What’s your name?”

Her mother would have advised Sonya to give a fake name-- a name prettier than the one she was born with, to easily indulge the fantasy of the young man before her. The fantasy about the mysterious, beautiful newcomer in this tavern who he would never see again. But this time, Sonya wasn’t interested in indulging any fantasies-- flirting was fun in its’ own rite, but she intended to limit the amount of influence her mother would have on her personal life.

“Sonya!” She said happily, and sang the last verse loudly with the rest of the tavern. 

_“When one does not have a featherbed. Fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!_

_Dig yourself a shallow hole instead. Fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!_

_Line it with some moss and leaves. That will then your featherbed be._

_Fa-ria, fa-ria, fa-ria, Fa-ria, fa-ria, fa-ria, ho!”_

And the tavern erupted in applause and hollering, much to Sonya’s delight. She turned to Dimitri at the piano, who had turned around, and drunkenly bowed to the crowd, obviously enjoying the attention. 

“You’re a wonderful dancer,” Garrett said, wrapping his arm around Sonya’s hip in an attempt to turn her back around to him. However, he underestimated how strong Sonya was thanks to her training in the Corps, as she pulled away from him easily.

“Thank you,” She said distractedly, and went over to Dimitri, with stars in her eyes. “Play another one!”

“Oh, sure!” Dimitri beamed. “But only if you give me a kiss.” He said playfully.

Sonya huffed in annoyance. It sure would be nice to enjoy things without the attachment of her being a sexual object to everything she enjoyed. 

“Don’t be so sour!” Dimitri laughed, sitting back down at the piano. “I’m only joking.” And he began playing a piece entirely unfamiliar to Sonya. His hands travelled across the black and white terrain of the piano, leaping from chord to chord gracefully. She watched, entranced. 

“What are the words to this one?” She asked-- now that Dimitri was playing, the tavern was again quieting down in respect.

“Hm, there are none,” Dimitri said, his eyes closed contentedly. “The music speaks if you listen.”

And Sonya did listen-- she felt the music wrap around her limbs, clutch her heart, and flow over her like a veil. Dimitri took a look at her out of the corner of his eye, observing her knowingly. 

“Dance if you want,” He said. “I think you’re dying to.”

That made Sonya smile a little-- she wasn’t sure how he could tell until she glanced down, noticing her feet had begun making miniscule movements almost on instinct. It seemed the music was actually calling her to dance, giving her invisible counts like how Alexander would whisper: one, two, three, four, five, six… 

So, with a bit of reckless abandon, Sonya began to dance. She made it up as she went along-- the music would tell her what to do. An arpeggio, she would pirouette; held out chords, and she would slowly move to the next position, her arms gliding through the air. She moved with precise flexibility, every movement feeling as natural to her as breathing. It was so incredibly freeing to abandon all thought-- all grief for Anna, stress about capturing a titan, embarrassment about Kurt resurfacing from her past-- and simply dance, allowing the piano’s beautiful, foreign sound to influence what already came naturally to her. 

Dimitri finished playing, and Sonya finished dancing; and all was quiet. It seemed that everyone was stunned, and the lack of response made Sonya incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. Was dancing like that not normal above ground? Was it offensive? Did she look like a fool?

But then-- someone in the back of the tavern began clapping, and then another, and another, until the whole room was applauding Sonya and Dimitri. Sonya let out a little laugh, incredibly relieved that she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Dimitri asked, now having joined her side. 

“My…” Sonya wasn’t sure what to call Alexander. “My friend from childhood. He taught me.”

“He’s an amazing teacher.” Dimitri said, his cheeks red from all the wine he had drank. With a hiccup, he clasped Sonya’s hand, raising it in the air. Sonya tensed up, almost completely going into defense-mode at the foreign contact. 

“What are you doing?” She snapped, but Dimitri only brought their hands down together, taking her with him in an elaborate bow to the tavern. 

“You’ve gotta relax.” Dimitri flashed her a dopey smile as they came back up to stand. “If you ever wanna dance again, I’d be happy to play for you.” And he brought her hand up to his lips, kissing her knuckles lightly before stumbling back to the bar to get more drinks. 

Sonya felt a blush heat up her face and chest, and as she made her way back to the table with her fellow soldiers, she found that she couldn’t stop smiling. She hadn’t danced in so long!

“Sonya!” Hange exclaimed. “What in the world was that? You were amazing!”

“Thank you!” Sonya put her hands on her cheeks, feeling how warm she had become. “I was so afraid that nobody knew what I was doing or something-- I’ve never seen how you all dance up here.” She laughed, taking a look at Levi; she wanted to know what he thought.

He was taking a sip of his tea, and caught her gaze, surprised that she was looking at him expectantly. Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, a certain someone had crept up behind Sonya and placed his hands on her shoulders in an overly-familiar gesture.

“Sonya, sweetheart!” Kurt exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. “Never thought I’d see you on the surface-- but I guess you did make it through training, after all…”

Sonya whipped around to face him; she would recognize that voice anywhere. She narrowed her eyes as he sat in the empty chair next to her, making everyone uncomfortable. 

“Say, Herschel was askin’ me about you,” Kurt continued, well aware that he was being a pest. “She just couldn’t understand why you-- hic-- left! She was real hurt.” He pouted his lip, and Sonya looked away, feeling like she had been stabbed in the gut. She could just picture Herschel, with her dark, silky hair and comforting embrace, sitting at the kitchen table where she taught Sonya how to play and cheat at cards. She saw her mother sitting with her there, smoking a cigarette with the sly smile she shared with Sonya. She missed Herschel-- she even missed her mother. But… she had to leave that awful place.

“Well… I had to get out of there.” Sonya muttered.

“Y’know, I never did get the chance to give you a proper birthday present…” Kurt said, running his finger along her bare arm. Sonya caught that, and made a move to grab his wrist with the intent of breaking his arm, but before she got the chance to, Levi was already standing and had grabbed Kurt by the lapel of his jacket. Despite the height difference, Levi had pinned him up against the wall-- the disturbance caught the attention of the tavern, and everyone looked on in alarm.

“L-Levi!” Kurt exclaimed, surprised to come face-to-face with the infamous Survey Corps Captain in a tavern like this.

“You’re annoying as all hell.” Levi said in a low voice-- Sonya saw that his eyes were dark, and not just because of the lighting. “I’ll thank you not to lay hands on my cadet again.” He let him go, and stood back to give Kurt free passage back to his posse of MPs. 

Kurt, despite being inebriated, understood very clearly. He hurried away like a punished dog, and Levi let out a sigh. 

“I think it’s time for us to leave.” Erwin said just as the barmaid came over to put an end to what could have been a potential fight. “Thank you for the pleasant evening.” He left money on the table, and the four Survey Corps soldiers exited the tavern without another word.

[-]

“Awh, I never even got to eat my soup!” Moblit complained as they walked through the brightly lit streets back to HQ. 

“I’m really sorry…” Sonya said, looking down in shame. 

“Hm? Sorry for what?” Hange asked incredulously. “Oh-- you mean Kurt? Well, it was Levi’s decision to cause a commotion in the first place,” She cast a playful glare to her friend, “and in the second place, it’s not your fault that creep came on to you like that. I’m surprised you didn’t break his arm.”

“I would have,” Sonya said, and knocked her elbow with Levi’s, “if my knight in shining armour hadn’t come to my rescue.” 

Levi sighed, quite annoyed with all this extra attention. “Can we figure out what we’re going to do about food, please? I’m starving.”

“Check it out! A street vendor!” Hange exclaimed, pointing to a small stand, with delicious-smelling steam rising from it. 

“Oh, it smells so good!” Moblit cried, and it was then decided that they would be getting their dinner from there.

Sonya got the roasted brussels sprouts and carrots-- they were delicious! She let out an emphatic, “Mmmm!” as soon as she ate one, even though it sort of burned her mouth. 

“Oh, can I try one?” Hange asked excitedly, abandoning her vegetable fried rice. Sonya nodded emphatically, and held one out for her to bite. Hange, amused by this strange way of offering food, nonetheless accepted happily. “Ohh, they are good!”

Sonya laughed, wiping her hand on her skirt. “Want to try one? You’ve been eyeing them,” She held one out to Levi, with her signature grin. He glanced at her; he had gotten the fried rice, as well. With a glance at Hange, he knew he would have to accept the food in the same way she had-- though inwardly, he decided it wasn’t all that bad. 

With a shrug, he nodded (much to Sonya’s delight). She smiled, and brought the little vegetable up to his mouth, and as he bit down, his lips brushed with her fingertips for just a moment, causing Sonya’s breath to hitch. He held her gaze as he chewed, and raised his eyebrows in approval. 

Sonya smiled, glad that he liked the food she liked, and just as she was about to look away, he brought his thumb up to the corner of her mouth, wiping away some of the sauce from the brussels sprouts. Her skin felt red-hot where he had just touched her, and she fought back a blush with all her might. This was definitely payback for her comment as she laid on her bed earlier.

“You’re a mess.” He shook his head. She smiled, and bit the inside of her lip to keep from giggling like a complete idiot. Erwin, Hange, and Moblit pretended they didn’t see a thing.

[-]

The walk back to HQ was relatively peaceful, now that they were fed and relatively happy. Hange and Erwin were discussing their debate tactics for tomorrow, with Moblit listening intently at Hange’s side. Levi and Sonya walked behind the three in silence-- Levi staring at the ground, Sonya gazing at all the houses and buildings on either side of them.

She glanced at Levi, and felt she needed to actually thank him for earlier.

“Um, thanks,” She said awkwardly, “for earlier. It was nice to see Kurt scared shitless.”

Levi only looked down with a nod. “He is an ass.” He kicked a rock in his path, which went scuttling across the cobblestone street. “I know his kind-- so many of those MPs visit the whores Underground.”

Sonya winced at that word; if Hange and the Survey Corps hadn’t come along when they had, she would have been one of those whores forced to pleasure those disgusting MPs. She looked down, avoiding saying anything to indicate that it bothered her. 

Levi noticed, though-- he cleared his throat. “You know, my mother was--” He halted, glancing at Sonya who glanced at him. From the look on his face, she understood. She couldn’t help but be surprised. 

“Oh.” She nodded. “To be honest, I thought you came from some noble family that bred assassins.” 

Levi let out a quick breath through his nose; Sonya assumed that was his way of laughing. “No. I came from the Underground.”

“Oh!” Sonya almost stopped dead in her tracks-- that was incredibly surprising. Although, now that she studied him upon closer inspection, he did carry himself like the gang members Underground; as if he were expecting an attack at any moment, calmly aware of everything on all sides. That was probably why he was such a skilled killer, she thought solemnly. Their conversation had taken a heavy turn-- she hated that. So, she fixed it in the best way she knew how: humor. Sonya playfully linked arms with a surprised Levi. “It’s like we’re made for each other.” She sighed as they ascended the steps leading in to HQ. 

Sonya laughed, leaving Levi’s side to follow Hange down the hallway to their room. Before she completely separated from him, though, she spun around to face him once more. 

“Oh, and at least I learned some valuable information tonight!” She said happily, hoping he would catch on her hook and play along. With a slight twitch on his lip, Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the stone wall of HQ-- he looked incredibly sly, standing like that in the flickering torch light.

“And what’s that?”

“I’m _your cadet_.” Sonya lowered her voice and gave him the most sultry look she had, one that Herschel taught her: draped eyelids, pouted lips, head tilted back and to the side, and for extra emphasis, she placed her hand on the wall next to him, and dragged it down, holding eye contact as she performed the overly-dramatic display of seduction. She laughed at herself, breaking character almost instantly, and spun around, walking back to her room (though she walked a bit more with her hips this time).

And Levi _almost_ smiled to himself, making his way back to his own room, thinking to himself how amusing Sonya had just been (and how he kind of liked it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also if u would like to follow my tumblr where i also post updates on my fic and soon some drabbles of levi x reader, pls follow me at dreamss-of-boston . tumblr . com !


	7. the debate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! for some reason this chapter was so hard to write hahah, but i like that i was able to do a little bit of character study in this one. i hope levi was as in character as possible (: thank you for reading love u bye!

“...and you’re a fool if you think otherwise!” Hange sat back-- or rather she was pulled back by Moblit-- and before Nile Dok could respond, Darius Zackley slammed his gavel down in order to bring some kind of order to the courtroom.

“Order!” He thundered as the soldiers settled down.

They were going on hour three of the debate; Sonya had been awoken before the sun rose by Hange, who was obsessively reading over her arguments for the upcoming trial. Tensions were very obviously running high. While Nile Dok didn’t seem to be much of a hothead, he was certainly passionate about this particular topic. Everyone in the room was, and Sonya could understand why: the prospect of bringing a titan inside the walls was terrifying and, frankly, stupid. 

“Nile Dok, your statement.” Zackley sighed, rubbing his temple. 

“While I see your point,” Nile began with forced patience, “I still feel that the cons outweigh the pros. A titan is monumentally powerful, as we can see based on the Survey Corps mortality rates. Even _one_ inside the walls would cause general unrest among the citizens, if not widespread panic.”

“How can we be sure you have the means to contain a titan properly?” One of the MPs, Hubert Vonnegut, spoke up with crossed arms. 

“I’m so glad you asked,” Hange grinned, and gestured to the large double wooden doors, which opened to reveal Garrison soldiers wheeling in large equipment which Sonya had never seen before. 

Hange stepped into the center of the room, walking towards the equipment confidently. “One of our new recruits,” she said grandly, “mentioned her anxieties about capturing a titan, for precisely the reasons you just mentioned.” Hange stepped up to the equipment: large barrels with calculated holes in them, and a pulley trigger behind them. “Keeping that in mind, I contacted the engineers and asked them to whip up this little prototype… If you’ll allow a demonstration, Zackley.” Hange bowed respectfully. 

Zackley sighed. “Very well.”

Hange, grinning from ear to ear, motioned to the Garrison soldiers, who wheeled a large rectangle, supported to be standing upright as a sort of target, in front of Hange’s equipment. Upon closer inspection, Sonya recognized the material to be made of the same sort of stuff which was used in training as a substitute for titan flesh. 

Once the target was in place, Hange explained: “This in front of me is what we require our soldiers to use when training to defeat titans. It is a specialized material which best resembles the tough flesh of a titan-- in other words, regular swords or guns have a hard time causing any real damage.” She held the pulley in her hand to show the court. “This piece of equipment has been specially designed to not only pierce titan flesh, but to anchor itself within titan flesh and into the earth, successfully pinning the titan to the ground, thus enabling us to perform experiments and the like on it. Observe,” She said, and gave a mighty pull. With a loud bang, multiple speared metal barbs shot out of the barrel at frightening speed, puncturing the material in front of it severely. Sonya jumped at the demonstration, but was nonetheless impressed. Just imagining those barbs piercing a titan, pinning it to the ground so that they could slice it open seemed like divine justice to her. 

“Try not to look so excited,” Levi muttered, glancing at Sonya out of the corner of his eye. She sat back, forcing the little smile off of her face. 

“Well, now I’m sort of excited to bag one of those bastards.” She murmured back. 

“Oh?” Levi raised his eyebrows. “And here I thought you were shitting yourself at the thought of it.” 

Sonya cast an irritated glance at Levi, but she couldn’t completely conceal her amusement. 

Nile Dok seemed to be slightly swayed at the performance in front of him; he sat back, muttering with the other MPs alongside him as they discussed this new information. 

Zackley pounded his gavel on the desk. “One hour recess.” 

[-]

The debate continued well into the night; all three branches of the military were simply restating the same arguments at that point, neither one listening to the other. The Garrison regiment was particularly concerned with the damage a titan could do to the walls, if it were brought that close to them and antagonized by Hange’s experiments. The Survey Corps argued that titans had not destroyed the walls from the outside so far, and so it would be no different on the inside. Additionally, titans didn’t seem to display any signs of intelligence, but gee, it sure would be nice if they could somehow perform tests on them to find that out for sure. 

And so it went.

Eventually, Zackley called the debate to a close; he said that he would let them know tomorrow morning if he required more debate from them, and Sonya prayed to whatever divine being there was up there that he wouldn’t request more debate. 

By now, it was rather late at night, and Sonya couldn’t get to sleep despite how exhausted she was. Her mind was incredibly tired but her body was restless as all hell. She glanced at the snoring Hange across from her, and slowly accepted the fact that perhaps tonight sleep was just not meant for her. 

With a sigh, Sonya quietly rose from her bed, slipping on her sweater, and tiptoed out of the room. The cold stone floors sent a chill through her body as her bare feet padded down the hallway, illuminated only by the light of the moon. She could hear voices at the end of the hallway, and silently approached the source of the noise: a brightly lit room, with the door cracked ever so slightly open. As she stared inside the room, a yellow sliver of light sliced across her face. It was just a group of MPs, sitting around a table with wine while playing cards. They seemed to be having a good time; laughing and teasing one another. What a shame that most of them were complete assholes. 

Sonya quietly withdrew from her peering spot, and continued around the corner, which she thought at first was a dead end, but upon closer inspection, she found that there was a spiral staircase that went up, up, up. Curiously, and without much regard for her safety, she ascended the dark steps.

As she came to the top of the staircase, Sonya discovered that she had made her way to the roof. The stone turrets lining the edge of the building cast dark shadows over the moonlit stones, and every couple of feet there was a quietly burning torch which gave the whole atmosphere a sort of romantic hue. Well, almost everything was romantic to Sonya above ground. 

As she scanned her surroundings, she noticed a figure sitting on top of one of the turrets, gazing out at the terrain before them. It wasn’t until she moved closer that she realized it was Levi. With a little smile, she gently cleared her throat to make her presence known; but as he turned to look at her over his shoulder, he didn’t seem surprised in the least to see her there. 

“Can’t sleep?” Sonya said, sitting herself down next to him. 

“Usually, no.” He said, turning to look out at the horizon again. Sonya nodded, and followed his gaze, enjoying the quiet stillness of the night. Her eyes trailed up into the sky, until she was leaning back to look at the stars. 

“What did you think when you first saw the sky?” She asked.

Levi paused, glancing at her before looking up at the atmosphere. “I thought it wasn’t bad.”

Sonya laughed. “That’s beautiful.” She said sarcastically. 

“What about you?”

“Hm?” She straightened her neck as she turned to look back at Levi. 

“What did you think when you first saw it?” Levi brought his eyes away from the sky to land on her.

“I thought it was the most free thing in the world.” She smiled, remembering how the sun had nearly blinded her when she first surfaced. “At first, I hated the sun; training was a real bitch. I really couldn’t understand why you all didn’t just sleep during the day and then become active at night-- but then, I remember one day,” Sonya glanced at her hands, “Anna and I were getting water, just filling up the buckets from this well, nothing special. And I noticed Anna wasn’t doing anything to help, but when I looked at her, she was staring up at the sky even though it was the sunniest day of the year.” She pulled her legs up, crossing them in front of her as she propped her head up on the palm of her hand. “So then I turned to look at whatever she was looking at, and it turned out there was this flock of geese flying up there, in that pointed shape they have. Anna said to look at the sky, and look how beautiful it was.” Sonya bit her lip, feeling tears spring into her eyes at the memory. “That’s when I fell in love with the world, I guess. It sounds stupid and it probably is, but after being cooped up Underground… everything up here is the most beautiful thing.” 

Levi didn’t say anything; he couldn’t help but gaze at Sonya as she spoke, feeling the slightest bit envious at her outlook. He knew that he couldn’t bring himself to look at the world that way-- it felt hollow and unrealistic to see his world as beautiful. 

“It's not stupid.” He said.

Sonya glanced at him, waiting for him to elaborate-- but clearly he wasn't going to. So, she just turned back to the horizon, appreciative of the view and the company. 

“Sometimes I kind of wish I was back down there.” She confessed quietly, lowering her eyes to gaze at the city below. Perhaps it was the late night making her particularly emotional; and she wasn’t quite sure why she felt so comfortable around Levi at this moment. He scoffed.

“Well, _that’s_ stupid.” Levi said, and Sonya rolled her eyes. “Everyone down there was either a criminal, or in the service of criminals. You should know better than anyone what that’s like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sonya tensed, turning to glare at him.

Levi raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by her defensive attitude. “Well, you were a whore, weren’t you?”

There was that word-- and that word associated directly with her. Sonya sucked in a breath and set her jaw, standing up to leave. She needed to remove herself from this situation before she did something she would regret. Her gut was on fire with anger and her chest was tight, and as Levi stood, grabbing her arm to stop her, she almost punched him in the face-- but as she whirled around to face him, he had placed his index finger over his lips, indicating her to be quiet. Sonya bit the inside of her cheek, and tilted her head ever so slightly to hear whatever Levi had heard. 

To their left, she heard hushed voices-- obviously, something was not right. Levi and Sonya exchanged a glance: should they investigate? The voices got sharper, but still hushed. Sonya gave the tiniest shrug as if to say, “If you go, I’ll go.”

Levi nodded, and the two turned, stepping ever so quietly towards the voices, hugging the wall behind them. There was a small corner being illuminated by a few held torches, and as the two came closer, they saw that there were three Military Police soldiers, and two Garrison soldiers. Sonya and Levi ducked behind a large crate, successfully avoiding being seen, while they were close enough to eavesdrop. 

“We paid you, and yet still, things didn’t go according to plan.” One man said in a low voice.

“They must have fixed it before it went in or something, I don’t know!” A girl’s voice; she was clearly terrified. 

“Are you saying it’s not your fault?” An older woman said. 

The girl must have nodded, because there was a palpable silence. 

“So, what do you want us to do?” A familiar man’s voice drawled; Sonya was sure she could recognize that voice, but she couldn’t place where she had heard it. “Clearly, someone must have found out, otherwise the malfunction would’ve worked…” He laughed to himself. “Isn’t that a funny thing to say?”

“Not in the slightest.” The older woman hissed. “If someone found out, then we’d be behind bars already… maybe they caught the mistake and fixed it without another thought.” 

“Hange did say it was a prototype-- maybe she checked it before it went in.” The girl said timidly. 

Levi and Sonya exchanged a glance. Who the hell were they and why were they speaking about Hange?

“Well, we did our job.” The familiar voice said. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world. “Where’s the rest of our payment?”

Some shuffling of feet, and the sound of someone being shoved against the wall.

“You forget your place, Romanov.” The first man growled. 

Sonya tensed up, and her gaze shot up to meet Levi’s. He clamped a hand on her shoulder, pinning her to the spot in case she tried anything stupid. That was… that was her name. The one her mother told her never to forget. The one thing her father gave her: her name. 

Maria had kept the name Romanova-- stolen it-- from the man she most believed to be Sonya’s father. She would always lament about how she didn’t know who her father was, and how it didn’t matter because her only family was here Underground; but sometimes, she would be so sure of who her father was-- she would mutter “Romanov, Romanova” over and over again. Still, Maria would reveal nothing more about the man besides his name and complain about his absence. Sometimes Sonya thought that Maria had just made him up so that she could have an extra vessel to place blame onto when Sonya was full. 

She had accepted long ago that the only semblance of her father that she would be able to have were her eyes-- bright yellow-green in contrast to her mother’s warm brown-- and her name. Her father’s name. And there it was, being spat in the face of whoever owned her father’s name, too. 

“We’ll keep the second portion of payment, considering this was a failure.” The older woman sighed. “Let him go, Hubert.” 

A moment-- and then some shuffling, and Sonya assumed that Romanov had been let go. 

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Romanov mused-- the familiarity in his voice coupled with the name he had just been baptized with was sending chills up Sonya’s spine. She was absolutely itching to peek over the crates they were hiding behind, but Levi’s grip was so fierce on her that she knew that was impossible. “Maybe having a titan in here will spice things up a bit-- Lord knows we could use some excitement around here.” 

Footsteps receded; the three MPs must have left the two Garrison soldiers without another word. Sonya’s heart thundered in her ears, and she hooked Levi with her most pleading gaze: please let me look at whoever shares my name. 

He narrowed his eyes: no.

She would have liked so much to have punched Levi in that moment-- but the Garrison soldiers began their own journey back to the sleeping quarters. They walked past Levi and Sonya, hidden in the shadows, without even realizing they were there. 

And as the two soldiers passed, Sonya finally got to see who it was that shared her identity: Dimitri, the curly-haired pianist.


	8. the flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here yall go! this one is v long because im going to be studying broad in france this semester and will likely have very little time for writing. but! i am not abandoning this fic, the updates will simply be more infrequent. i hope u all enjoy and thank u so much for reading!! love u bye

Darkness-- and a stench of rot. 

Sonya stumbled blindly, feeling out in front of her desperately for something to hold on to. Her heart was racing, and all she knew was that she was being chased by something as she ran to escape it. No matter how hard she pumped her legs, it felt as if she were swimming through molasses. Her muscles were so weak, and she didn’t feel safe or clear-headed in the slightest as she raced away from the monstrous being behind her. 

There was a sharp scream which seemed to come from everywhere all at once, and slammed against her eardrums, causing Sonya to stop dead. Slowly, a dim light illuminated what was before her: Anna, laying upside-down, with her mouth gaping open as her hands were glued to either side of her head. She was staring at Sonya, her pupils shrunken and horrified. But Sonya couldn’t tell if Anna could see her-- she attempted to call out to her, but her voice was choked. She tried again, this time to scream at her, but no matter how hard she tried, her voice was raspy and quiet, as if she had lost it completely. 

As Sonya reached up to her throat to see what was wrong, huge steaming fingers wrapped around her torso, lifting her off of the ground. She craned her head back to see what was behind her, and just as the gaping mouth of a titan came into view, Sonya was thrust back into the sunlight streaming into her room through the window. 

“Sonya!” Mabel said, louder this time, and with a shove to Sonya’s shoulder. The curly-haired girl jumped with a gasp, gripping her bed linens with ferocity as she awoke from her nightmare. 

Mabel sat back with a sigh, her worried eyes glued to the little soldier before her. “You were really scaring me… Did you have a nightmare again?”

It was the third day that Sonya had been back from her trip with the officers to the capitol. The night she had discovered the name and the man Dimitri Romanova was the night that her sleep terrors began. After she and Levi had deemed it safe enough to leave the roof without being detected, they had parted without another word. Sonya didn’t want to speak with him-- and at the moment, she couldn’t care less about what sort of plans the soldiers had been talking about, because all she could focus on was the prospect of having a family above ground. 

Levi could believe she was a whore all he wanted-- and while Sonya had learned everything there was to learn about being one during her upbringing, she had never put those lessons to use with any man. She left before they could make her-- before her mother could make her a special on the menu. 

“Sorry, I’m-- I’m okay.” Sonya said shakily, sitting up and wiping beads of sweat from her forehead. Now that she looked at herself, her whole body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, dampening her bed sheets and sleep clothes. 

Sonya’s room had an extra bed due to Anna’s absence, and so to save on space and prevent soldiers having to sleep with three to a room, Mabel had become Sonya’s new roommate. The two girls hadn’t really been close during training, but they definitely didn’t hate each other. Luckily for Sonya, Mabel was a quiet and respectful roommate, even if she didn’t understand what Sonya was going through. 

Mabel stayed by Sonya’s side, watching the girl cautiously as she slowed her breathing and came to terms with being in the waking world. 

“I’m sorry you’re having all these nightmares,” Mabel said, probably because she couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“It’s okay.” Sonya said with the best smile she could manage. “Guess it happens to everyone eventually here, huh?”

Mabel looked at Sonya uneasily, who realized that what she said was awkward and stupid. Sonya cleared her throat, peeling herself from her bed as she changed into her uniform. Mabel did the same.

“Today’s when the real shit starts.” Mabel sighed, tying her long, dark brown hair up in a high ponytail. “Captain Shorty is training us today.”

Sonya groaned, wrestling her own thick curly hair into a bun with moderate success. “Why the hell is he training us? He’s skilled, sure, but I bet he’s gonna be a shitty teacher.”

Mabel shrugged. “Who knows?”

Actually, it was Erwin Smith’s idea. Since the Survey Corps were granted permission to go ahead with their mission of capturing a titan, he had asked Levi privately if he would give some extra training to the new recruits. 

“Why the hell would I do that?” Levi had asked irritably. “Those brats passed training already. What can I teach them that they don’t already know?”

“New techniques.” Erwin had reasoned. “You handle your equipment very uniquely--”

“Did you forget the last time I tried to show people how I used my equipment?”

“No, I didn’t forget,” Erwin said patiently, and actually seemed amused at the memory. “But this mission requires the greatest amount of tact, and the least amount of casualties. You have the highest success rate out of any soldier in the Corps; you never know what might get through to them.” The blonde man smiled a little. “You’re a better teacher than you give yourself credit for.”

Levi huffed. “I’ll only do it if it’s an order.”

“Then it’s an order.”

And so there they were, the ten soldiers up to be trained by Captain Levi today, with Sonya, Mabel, Ada, and Peter among them. They stood at attention, lined up in front of the patch of forestry located about three miles outside of town, awaiting to probably be verbally abused. 

“Sonya, your uniform--!” Ada hissed to the girl next to her, who was not at all thrilled to be there. 

“What?” Sonya said irritably. 

“Your shirt’s untucked.” Ada rolled her eyes. “Do you seriously wanna start the day by pissing him off over little stuff like that?”

Sonya just shrugged; she really couldn’t care less what Levi thought about her uniform. She wondered for a moment if all the nice interactions they had shared had been merely pretense, and that Levi didn’t respect her at all because of her past. That thought caused her heart to sink, strangely enough; perhaps it was because she thought that she had been getting somewhere with the Captain.

With a deep breath, Sonya attempted to dispel all those distracting thoughts from her mind; she didn’t perform well with a clouded conscience. Edith Gutherie and Levi were just exiting from the trees, presumably having just surveyed the training equipment for the upcoming session. As they landed on the ground with ease, she couldn’t help but notice how Levi looked a little more irritated than usual. Perhaps he didn’t want to do this just as much as they did. 

And yet, Sonya felt no pity at all for the dark-haired captain. 

Levi and Edith stood in front of the soldiers, surveying the group they had today. 

“Let’s begin.” Levi said.

[-]

And with another thud, Sonya smacked into the trunk of a tree, her swords clanging to the grass below. 

“Faster, Romanova!” Edith scolded from the trees. “And look out for the arms-- they move faster than you think!”

The Corps had whipped up some pretty fancy training equipment as of late, with pulley devices on the wooden models of titans which could be used to imitate the large, flailing arms of the beasts. Some officers were operating the limbs of each model titan, but the soldiers hadn’t made it very far in to the simulation. It even seemed like the veteran soldiers were having a blast smacking the new recruits around, as every time Sonya was hit, she heard muffled laughter coming from the branches where the soldiers resided. 

“She isn’t completely at fault.” Levi spoke up, narrowing his eyes at the soldiers operating the titan. “I find it interesting that you brats find titans attacking your comrades to be funny.” Sonya ignored the leap of happiness within her at Levi coming to her defense.

“Ah, Captain, it is a little funny!” Peter quipped from a nearby branch. “Personally, I love seeing Sonya get smacked around a little-- it keeps her humble.”

The soldiers chuckled at that, but Sonya was not in the mood to find that amusing. 

“Why don’t you try it out, then?” She called up to the red-haired boy. 

“Oh, alright!” Peter sighed, unsheathing his blades. “I’ll slay this titan for my lady.” He said dutifully, and while Sonya descended to the ground to retrieve her blades, Peter swooped down to the mock titan to begin his attempt. 

WHACK! 

Sonya glanced up, and burst into laughter when she found that Peter had somehow tangled himself in his ODM gear, hanging precariously close to the ‘mouth’ of the titan. 

“What a delicious snack you are, Peter!” Sonya called up to him.

“I get that all the time!” He called back, but couldn’t seem to untangle himself from the wiring, causing a laughing Mabel and Ernst to come to his rescue. 

[-]

Slice, slice, slice!

Levi landed on a tree branch far in front of the soldiers, looking back expectantly through the path he had created. There were gaping chunks missing from the model titans-- ones he had created and ordered the soldiers to watch close as he showed them what he expected them to do. 

“Go on.” He said, raising an eyebrow. 

Oh, shit-- he wanted them to do what he had just done? The soldiers exchanged worried looks; first of all, he had moved with deadly speed, and the cuts he had cast were quite deep, so there was no point in them making new ones. Was this an exercise merely in agility? 

Levi sighed, irritated that the soldiers couldn’t piece together why they were doing what they were doing. 

“I have no doubts that you all are strong-- you made it past training, and one of you actually slayed a titan.” His gaze lingered on Sonya, who’s heart swelled a little at the acknowledgment. She promptly shut those feelings down. “But, Commander Erwin is putting you all through this training for you to see a new way to use your gear. If you’ll notice,” Levi gestured to his gas canisters. “I didn’t use any gas. Your goal is to follow my path, using the same technique.” Assuming he had sufficiently explained himself, he grew more irritated that still, the soldiers stood there dumbly. “Go.” 

Sonya set her jaw-- no one else was going to jump in and look the fool, so she decided to take one for the team. No gas, huh? Using the gas as a propellent was her favorite part of the ODM gear; and while she was still seething at Levi’s comment a few days ago, she was still a soldier required to follow orders. 

With a huff, she tapped off the branch, swinging down to mimic the strikes Levi had created-- with little success. While she did technically hit every mark, she was moving painfully slowly and awkwardly; without the extra boost, she had to rely on momentum she did not currently have. Clumsily, she landed on the same branch as Levi, who was looking at her with an unimpressed gaze. 

“That was pathetic.” He sighed, and Sonya’s comrades on the other side faltered in disappointment. 

Sonya furrowed her brows in intense anger, as her gut tightened from the effort of holding back a million insults. With a deep breath, she attempted to explain herself.

“Captain, I don’t think the execution of the technique was properly explained.” She said, carefully choosing each word. Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Are you saying you didn’t understand?” He clarified, crossing his arms.

‘No, I’m saying you’re a shitty teacher!’ Sonya thought, but attempted once again to be rational and calm. “I’m saying, you could have actually explained how you did what you did.” Well, that wasn’t very tactful. The entire training squad had fallen silent, all eyes glued to Levi and Sonya. 

“So, your failure is my doing?” Levi prompted her dangerously. He was expecting Sonya to be reduced to a puddle of apologies like all of her other comrades when face-to-face with him, but instead, she held his gaze evenly, grinding her teeth in an effort to stay sane. She decided not to hold back-- she had had it with him and his stupid apathy and his rude remarks. 

“A student’s performance reflects the teacher’s instruction.” She bit out; Levi raised his eyebrows, and all of the soldiers present held their breath. He took a dangerous step towards her. 

“How wise,” he said lowly, “you come up with that yourself?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact.” Sonya narrowed her eyes, refusing to break eye contact, tensing as he moved towards her. If he wanted to fight, she was more than willing. Her eyes dipped to his lips for just a moment, remembering how harshly the word ‘whore’ had fallen from them, how he had so casually assumed the worst of her. 

“Do you need more instruction, cadet?” Levi tilted his head to the side; his dark eyes were glinting with some emotion that Sonya didn’t entirely recognize-- something passionate. 

“Please.” She said through barred teeth. 

“Very well.” He let out a huff. “After dinner you will come to my office. Plan on staying late.” He added the last part with a bit of venom, as if the threat of coming to his office wasn’t enough. Sonya felt a stone drop in her stomach, and her chest tightened in fear. Only the worst of the worst went to Levi’s office-- she had only heard horror stories. 

With a glance to her comrades across from her, they only looked dismayed and mournful for her. Sonya decided that during dinner, she would plan her funeral.

[-]

“Sonya, you have to eat.” Mabel said gently, nudging the girl’s tray closer to her. Sonya just sat, staring dumbly in front of her. 

“I’m done for. I’m gonna be beaten to a pulp.” She said, and Mabel and Ada exchanged a look.

“Don’t be so dramatic, curly-cue,” Peter said around a mouthful of bread. That new nickname earned a look from Sonya. “What? Your hair is curly as hell-- there isn’t a whole lotta material I can work with here.”

“Maybe he’ll let you off easy; maybe he’s just gonna tell you you have a month’s cleaning duty in the stables.” Ada said helpfully, smiling at Peter’s antics. 

“He said to plan on staying late,” Sonya’s head fell into her hands. “He’s gonna kill me and make it look like an accident.” She sighed angrily. “Why can’t I just keep my dumb mouth shut?”

“Well, I for one, am supportive of you going to the guillotine for this.” Mabel interjected. “Everything you said was right-- he didn’t explain anything. We literally didn’t accomplish anything today.”

“That’s not true.” Peter countered, holding his spoon up as a pointing tool. “Today we determined that those new training titans are a piece of shit, waste of time.”

Ada giggled. “Seriously, what were they thinking, designing that?”

While Sonya’s friends laughed and continued living, the curly-haired girl stared at her plate with empty eyes, dreading her inevitable execution.

[-]

A timid knock-- maybe if she knocked quietly enough, he wouldn’t hear, and he would forget about his threat, and then Sonya could continue living.

“Come in,” came his bored voice from behind the door. With a resigned sigh, she pushed the door open, and stepped into the office, closing it behind her. 

Levi’s office was nothing special-- dark wooden walls, cold stone floors, a burning fireplace near the desk he was sitting behind. Books and folders lined the walls, and everything was immaculately clean and organized. She stood a safe distance away from the desk, her hands clasped behind her back as she fought to control her racing heart. 

“Sit.” He said, discarding the paper he had been focusing on to now look at Sonya. She bit the inside of her cheek, and did as she was told, sitting in the chair across from Levi. He sighed, leaning back in his chair with the same annoyed/bored expression he always had. “Your attitude has been pissing me off,” he began, “and it didn’t used to. Actually, you were sort of amusing. But now, it seems, your sole mission in life has been to be a pain in my ass.” He raised an eyebrow at the girl in front of him. “Care to explain?”

Sonya relaxed a little in her seat-- it seemed that the physical punishment would not come just yet. She wasn’t sure how to approach this situation, but she was nonetheless surprised that Levi was attempting to understand her before he doled out any punishment. It softened her, the thought that he seemed to be affected by her attitude. 

“Well,” she started uncomfortably, “you… called me a whore, sir.”

Levi sighed. “That’s what’s been bothering you?”

“You say that like it isn’t a big deal.” Sonya deadpanned.

“Because it isn’t.” Levi retorted. Sonya felt all of the softness she previously had dissipate completely as she frowned at the captain. “You were a whore-- I was a thief. And here we are.” 

“I wasn’t a whore!” Sonya spat. “I never--” with a blush, she cut herself off. Why did she even have to explain herself, anyway?

“Hm? Never what?” Levi pressed, and Sonya could swear she heard a warmth of amusement in his voice. She refused to look at him, and instead glared at her folded hands in her lap.

“Well, I…” She sighed, feeling her blush deepen. “I learned how to… do everything; I p-practiced with the others, but… I never… got paid, or did anything with a man. I got out before--”

“Before they made you fuck anyone.” Levi finished, unbothered by his crass wording. Sonya bit the inside of her cheek, bringing herself to look at the captain. She was surprised to find he was now sitting up, his elbows propped against the desk in interest. A smile almost played on his lips, but Sonya decided it was her turn to grill him. She was already being punished, so fuck it.

“Why were you half-assing training today?” She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows expectantly. Levi sat back and looked up with a sigh.

“Because, I’ve found that it’s best for people to find their own unique ways to best use their ODM. Attempting to learn how I use mine would be too complicated and time-consuming.”

Sonya hummed, glancing around the room. She wasn’t sure what to do-- she didn’t really have any more questions for him, and wasn’t that interested in staying around if all he was going to do was call her a whore and dig into her past.

“So, if you’re not a whore,” Levi continued, “then you’re just a pretty little pain in my ass.”

Sonya couldn’t help but play off of that. She batted her eyelashes at him, giving him a coy smile. “Oh, captain, you think I’m pretty?”

“I do.” Levi said flatly, which caught Sonya off-guard. Usually when someone called her pretty, they were smiling or flustered or drunk. Levi was none of those things-- he was just saying it like it was a fact. She wasn’t sure how to respond to the captain being so candid, so she just stood and perused the bookshelf beside the desk. She felt Levi's stone colored eyes follow her, his gaze sending a chill down her spine. Absentmindedly, she pulled a book out to examine it, but found a greater treasure behind it. 

“Well, well, well,” Sonya grinned, reaching into the bookshelf and pulling out a half-drunk bottle of dark liquor. Levi raised an eyebrow, meeting her gaze that said, ‘can we?’. With a shrug, he gave his consent, and Sonya unscrewed the bottle, taking a brave swig. 

The dark drink burned on the way down, and she coughed a little as she passed the bottle to Levi. “Bourbon?” She said.

Levi nodded, taking his own swig in turn, almost completely unaffected by it. It was strange, being tucked away in his office, drinking in comradery; even though she came in fearing for her life, she now seemed to be feeling more at ease. He really wasn’t all that bad. Clearly, he cared a bit about her, even if he was rude and blunt. 

Levi stood, coming around the desk to join Sonya in front of the bookshelf. He passed her the bottle, and she took another swig, then another. She found that she was sort of craving the warm numbness that alcohol provided her with. That, accompanied with the warmth from the fire and the late hour made Sonya quite content. 

“Have you read all of these?” She asked, gesturing to the array of books in front of them. Levi took the bottle from her, taking another sip.

“No. I think I’ve only read one.” He said, pointing out a little book on the middle shelf. “I don’t have much time to read.”

“Me, neither.” Sonya picked out the book, thumbing through the pages. She took the bottle, took another swig. The alcohol began to warm her bones and relax her nerves. “Y’know, I came in here expecting to be… I dunno, beaten up?”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “I don’t beat up my cadets just for shits and giggles. You were mouthing off today, but you were right. I’m shit at explaining things.” 

Sonya smiled-- she loved being right, and she especially loved that Levi admitted it. Just as she was about to take another swig, Levi caught the bottle in her hand, gently pulling it out of her grasp. 

“Boo,” Sonya pouted, crossing her arms. ‘Well, I guess my punishment had to happen eventually.’ She thought sourly. 

Levi gingerly set the bottle down on the desk. “Show me what you learned.” He said quietly. 

Sonya jerked her head to look at him, leaning on the desk beside her. “Huh?” 

“Show me some of what you learned down there.” Levi repeated, hooking her green eyes with his steely gray ones. Was he serious? He had to have been joking; but he didn’t crack a smile, of course. The fire was flickering, reflected in his gaze, but it wasn’t the fire that was causing Sonya to warm up. She attributed that to the alcohol-- in fact, moving forward, Sonya attributed everything to the alcohol. 

“Sure.” She let out a breathy laugh-- this was silly, and wildly inappropriate, but it seemed she had a streak of acting out of place that she needed to keep up. “This one’s one of my favorites.” Sonya moved to stand in front of Levi, who opened his arms to her, resting his palms on the desk behind him. He was watching her with intensity as she reached up, pulling the red ribbon from her hair, which cascaded wonderfully over her neck and shoulders. 

Levi’s gaze followed her hands, which took hold of either end of the ribbon, lifting it over his head to rest languidly around the back of his neck. His gaze fluttered back to meet hers, her green eyes slightly hooded, a coy smile playing on her plump lips. 

“Then I just,” She gently tugged on the ribbon, pulling Levi with her as she pressed herself up against the wall between the bookshelf and the fire. Levi followed obediently, and lazily placed his hands on the wall on either side of Sonya: one by her waist, the other by her shoulder. She attempted to swallow her nerves, but her throat and mouth were incredibly dry as the distance between them seemed to close rapidly. She could smell grass and smoke mingling with Levi-- it was a pleasant scent, warm and musky. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening-- any minute now, she was expecting him to pull away and make fun of her. But he didn’t; Levi’s eyes roamed over her face, down her neck, to her chest, and all the way down her body. He was ravishing her with his gaze, and Sonya didn’t realize she had been slowly pulling him closer until she felt his breath, hot against her cheek, his lips dangerously close to her tingling flesh. 

She sucked in a breath. “Then, I’d uh-- I’d kiss you.” 

Levi hummed in response, bringing his finger to ghost over her jawline, gingerly taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “So do it.” He murmured, sending chills throughout Sonya’s body. She was very much aware of the warmth pooling in her core, setting her inner thighs and gut ablaze. She wondered if he knew-- of course he did. Sonya’s eyes were captivated on his lips, her breath hitched in her throat. 

When they brought their eyes up to meet each other’s, Sonya was done for. She felt so incredibly nervous as Levi leaned closer, his whole body beginning to press into hers. Her eyes fluttered shut as she met him halfway; she gently pressed her lips against his, barely feeling the soft flesh meeting hers. It was such a tender, innocent kiss-- Sonya felt herself become about ten pounds lighter at the contact, and couldn’t help the little smile that was forming on her lips. 

Levi’s hand moved to cup her cheek as he kissed her again, pressing his lips onto hers a bit harder this time. Sonya took a chance and opened her mouth just a bit, capturing Levi’s lower lip and sucking on it briefly before running her tongue over the same spot. Levi opened his mouth in response, clearly taking that and running with it as he darted his tongue inside Sonya’s mouth, licking the roof of it hungrily. 

Sonya couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t want to if it meant kissing Levi like this. Her head spun as she reached up, tangling her fingers in his silky black hair, while Levi's other hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her body closer to his as he deepened the kiss. Sonya sighed, tilting her head as she caught Levi's lower lip with her teeth, and felt a jolt in her gut when his lips curled up in a smile at what she did. 

He pulled away, slowly kissing Sonya's jaw to move down to her neck, dragging his tongue along her sensitive skin, sucking and biting. Sonya bit her lip, feeling like every kiss Levi planted on her skin was a spark of fire, igniting her body and senses. She tilted her head back, inviting Levi to do more. He leaned down to her collarbone, gently pushing the collar of her shirt out of the way as he bit down gently, then sucked with some hunger, earning a stifled gasp from Sonya. Levi pulled away with a small grin, his lips wet and swollen. Sonya looked down at her collarbone, seeing the beginnings of a hickey form, and she blushed. 

Levi gingerly tucked some hair behind her ear, and the two leaned in to each other to kiss again, but a knock on Levi's office door startled them both away from each other. Sonya looked to Levi in a panic, but he just shrugged-- though he looked annoyed-- and went to answer the door.

It was Hange.

“Good evening, you two!” She said brightly, strolling right on in. “Ah, hello, Sonya! Actually, it's a good thing you're here. Some kid from the Garrison regiment is here to see you-- he looked pretty familiar.” 

Sonya's gut tied itself into a knot; the Garrison regiment? Her mind flashed back to the night on the roof with Levi, the hushed conversation between the Garrison soldiers and the MPs. She and Levi exchanged a glance. 

“What does he want with her?” Levi said irritably. “We were in the middle of something.”

Sonya's face flushed a deep red, but Hange didn't seem to notice.

“Yes, yes, I heard about Sonya's disobedience today. You can sentence her to cleaning the stables later-- this kid was pretty insistent to see her.” Hange shrugged. 

Levi looked Sonya up and down. “Do you want to go see him?” He asked casually, but his gaze was loaded with… was that concern? 

Sonya could only hope it was Dimitri-- the one who shared her name. Her only family on the surface was here. But why? How had he figured out her last name if they had only met once in a tavern? He didn't know that she and Levi had been spying on them, did he? 

A million questions were racing through Sonya's mind, but she overwhelmingly knew the answer to the question Levi had asked her.

“Yes.” She said a little too eagerly. Levi raised an eyebrow, then looked to Hange.

“Alright! He's just down this way.” She said, but shot a glance to Levi as if to say 'we'll discuss whatever deeper meaning is here later.’ 

Sonya was led out into the hallway, around the corner and outside to the stables, where she could see only one man waiting by the light of a torch. His back was turned to her, but Sonya's breath was still caught in her throat as she approached the man. 

As Sonya came closer, he turned, with the same languid smile she had seen before in the tavern. 

“Hello,” Dimitri drawled. “It seems we have a lot to discuss.”


	9. the game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i tried to get this chapter up by the end of february but i suppose the beginning of march will do. studying abroad has been challenging but it has definitely inspired me to write more! france is so beautiful, je l'adore.  
> there isn't much plot in this chapter, but things so get pretty spicy hehe. i hope u enjoy, thank u for reading love u bye!

Sonya’s head was spinning. 

She was still breathless from her interaction with Levi, when he had kissed and embraced her, making her feel like the lightest feather in the world - she almost couldn’t believe that it had happened. Her skin burned where he had touched it, her entire being hungry for more of him. But, presented with the opportunity to meet a member of her blood family - her libido had to take a backseat. That, coupled with the fact that her potential family member was standing before her in the flesh, potentially holding the answers to a million of her questions, was enough to send her into a sort of spiral. 

She wanted to cry - and she did, a little. Her eyes began to water the longer she stared at Dimitri, and her stomach was in knots because she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t speak properly, anyway. Her heart soared as Dimitri surveyed her up and down, seeming to scout out her features to see if they matched his enough for her to be considered a relative.

“I must say, you’re probably the prettiest out of father’s bastards,” Dimitri continued, placing his hands in his pockets. He was the picture of relaxation. “But I’m his prettiest legitimate child.” He chuckled to himself.

Sonya’s stomach dropped-- bastard.

“What?” She said quietly, almost so quiet that Dimitri didn’t hear. 

“So, where did you come from? Wall Maria? Trost?” Suddenly, Dimitri didn’t seem so amused when he hooked his gaze with hers. “Eh, it doesn’t matter - it’s almost ridiculous, how many Romanov’s and Romanova's are roaming about in these walls.”

Sonya didn’t understand; or perhaps she didn’t want to. Her feet felt heavy as lead, gluing her to the spot. Her eyes drooped to the ground, staring only at Dimitri’s shoes-- the same as hers, military-issued. Black. 

Dimitri took a step closer, his whole body tense. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had to shut someone up. The name you have - _my_ name - was stolen from my family. You stole it, or your mother or aunt, whoever the hell raised you. I don’t care. The point is, no matter how much you insist, you will never get paid for something you’re not entitled to.” He spat on the ground in front of her, causing Sonya to wince. “Don’t come looking for me or my father. I won’t allow you to disrespect my mother’s memory with your existence.”

And when Sonya looked up, Dimitri was walking away - back to his horse, back to his home in the Garrison regiment. She was watching the place where he stood long after he was gone, her whole body feeling like a sort of husk. Bastard - she had heard the word tossed around. 

Herschel was a bastard. She remembered the raven-haired woman telling her the story of when she first met her father, how he had spat at the ground she walked on, demanding her to leave him alone and to never speak of their relation again. Despite the fact that she looked so much like him, it had to be a fact that she had no relation to him. Apparently, he was a man of some wealth and prominence up top, and when Herschel had met him for the first time at seven years old, he was only on a visit to the Underground, paying Herschel’s mother to quit using his name as an attachment to her daughter. 

Sonya’s legs seemed to fail her as she crumbled to the ground, staring at the dirt made of little rocks beneath her as the realization dawned on her. Her name - Romanova, the one her mother insisted she always use in all of her introductions, was nothing more than a bill that needed to be paid. Her mother stole the name of her father, spread it around Underground - a big sign painted on Sonya’s features, that she was a debt to be paid by a man named Romanov. A name of importance would be paid off quickly so as to avoid any rumors to be spread too quickly; the men would return to the whores they had bedded some years ago, and buy their names back from their bastards. 

It was a sort of justice. The rich man got the whore pregnant, and if he didn’t want his reputation smeared, he would pay the price. 

A tear rolled down Sonya’s cheek; then another, and another. She covered her mouth as sobs began to rack her body, her frame trembling pitifully. She had known about this tradition her whole life; she had seen other girls get paid off, heard their names disappear from introductions and conversations. But Sonya had begun to have a romantic notion that her father didn’t pay her off because he wanted her to keep it - the name Romanova, as a sort of compass to find him later. 

Dimitri made it clear that that wasn’t the case. Eyes screwed shut, she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps behind her. She didn’t see Levi crouch down in front of her, until she felt his hand on her shoulder, a gentle squeeze to bring her back to earth. 

Sonya looked up at him, her eyes red and face flushed. How embarrassing, how pitiful she was. She didn’t want him to see her like this - she didn’t want anyone to know that she was now both a bastard and a whore. She didn’t want to meet his gaze, but she was compelled to. As green met gray, there was only compassion shared between the two. 

Nothing scrutinizing, nothing uncomfortable. Only a strange understanding, an empathetic pull towards each other. 

Levi’s hand rested on the back of Sonya’s head as he pulled her into him, wrapping his arms wordlessly around her as she did the same to him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She buried her face in his shirt, relishing the feeling of the world melting away as her senses were overtaken by Levi. And it was enough.

[-]

Days passed - of preparation, training, and the like. The first expedition to capture a titan was looming near, and Sonya was as troubled as ever. When she looked at the world around her, she no longer saw beauty in a pure, romantic sense. She saw that things were beautiful, such as flowers and the colors of the sky - but all meaning behind beauty seemed to fade away. Her romantic notions of the surface world seemed silly now. She thought about Anna every day, though less frequently, which filled Sonya with guilt. The fact that life would happen with or without Anna was a grave reminder that the same would be true for her. For Peter, Mabel, Ada - for Levi. She had come to the conclusion that people were people, under or above ground, and grief and sorrow spared no one. 

Levi had hardly spoken to her since that night. They would pass each other in the halls, Sonya would perk up and attempt to get his attention, but he would pass her by, unaffected by her gaze and disinterested in holding a conversation. She couldn’t understand why; honestly, she didn’t want to think about anything, to analyze anything. All she could think about were his lips, his mouth, his hands roaming over her body. 

Her skin burned and tingled every time she thought about their encounter in his office. She knew that she was just feeling aroused, just like the men that had stumbled into her home to bed her compatriots Underground, but the knot in her stomach wouldn’t go away, and she wasn’t sure how to approach him in order to get that solved. 

Sonya knew the steps - she knew the risks, which places to touch when, and everything in between. But usually, it was the customer who initiated everything, and Sonya was now a bit intimidated by Levi since she now knew what his touch could do to her. 

When they would pass each other in the halls or in the dining area, she would sit up straighter, attempt to present herself as more attractive, just in case he was looking. But she never caught him staring. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened. Once again, he had hurt Sonya. 

She itched for the burn of alcohol, for the warm ignorance it provided her with. As she sat with her group of friends in the dining hall during dinner, it was all she would think about. Perhaps if she could get recklessly drunk for just one night, it would be a hard reset on her emotional turmoil and she could clear her head a bit before the dangerous expedition.

“I’m slowly dying,” Peter said one day after rigorous training, flopping down in front of his stew dinner. 

“Me, too.” Mabel sighed. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you guys.”

“Well, this mission is really important.” Ada chimed in with a reassuring smile.

“You’re just in a good mood ‘cause Captain Shorty gave you the time of day today.” Mabel said bitterly, taking a big bite of her bread. 

Ada turned a bright red, to which Peter chuckled. “Well-- getting praised by any superior officer is a good thing, not just from him!”

“Let’s do something tonight.” Sonya said, looking up to her friends from absent-mindedly stirring her soup. Mabel looked surprised that Sonya had spoken up; the girl had been unusually quiet lately.

“What did you have in mind?” Peter asked with a sly smile - though from his days training with Sonya, he already had a pretty good idea of what Sonya might suggest. 

“We smuggle in some wine,” Sonya grinned, “and we play some poker in the dining hall after everyone’s gone to bed.”

Ada’s eyes widened, and she leaned in with a stern expression. “Sonya, we aren’t allowed to drink in HQ-- much less gamble!” She hissed. A little further down the table, Alfonse’s ears perked up, and he glanced over to their group curiously. Ada tensed, and frankly so did everybody else; Alfonse was a notorious snitch. Ada lowered her voice even more. “That’s such a stupid idea.”

“Yeah, Sonya, that’s really dumb,” Mabel added, shooting a glare to Alfonse, who looked away hurriedly. “Why would you suggest wine and poker when wine and _strip_ poker is far more superior?”

Sonya, Mabel, and Peter were all grinning from ear to ear, while Ada sat, wringing her hands in worry. 

[-]

“Full house.” Peter said smugly, laying his cards down on the table. 

“Fuck you.” Mabel took another swig of wine - Sonya’s head fell into her hands as the bottle was passed around, and everyone obediently took a swig. Whenever someone won a round, everyone else had to take a drink and remove a piece of clothing. So far, they had gone through a bottle and a half, and everyone except Peter was getting dangerously close to sitting in nothing but their underwear. 

“I never should’ve taught you how to count cards,” Sonya’s mind was starting to become foggy, and while she was pissed that she was losing, she relished the warm tingling sensation the wine was providing her. She bitterly removed her socks, throwing them in Peter’s face. He smacked them away with his hand, his grin never leaving his face.

He jerked his chin over to Ada. “Come on, Ada, you gotta take something off - them’s the rules.”

Ada shot him a glare, and with a huff, she removed her outer shirt, suddenly very exposed in her little tank top. “It’s so cold!” She complained.

“Drink more; you’ll warm up.” Mabel advised, having no choice but to remove her pants since she didn’t want to remove her shirt. 

And round after round, they played. Sonya won a few hands, and watched in triumph as Peter was forced to become just as exposed as them. Eventually, though, it was Sonya who was losing painfully - and soon, she was very tipsy and sitting in nothing but her underwear. Mabel still had her undershirt on, but Ada was in the same boat as Sonya. Peter still had his pants on, and that was it - four bottles of wine sat finished on the table, and the candle illuminating their little corner in the empty dining hall was almost burnt out. 

Sonya stood with some difficulty, pushing her frizzy hair out of her face. “I believe our night… has come to an end.”

“Wooooo,” Mabel cried softly, lifting her hands up in happiness. 

“I feel,” Ada mumbled, rubbing her eyes, “I feel like my eyes… weigh a lot.”

“You gotta go to bed, honey.” Peter laughed, his cheeks rosy. 

“Ah, I needed this.” Sonya smiled stupidly, her hands cupping her cheeks happily. She didn’t care that she was standing in nothing but her bra and underwear, her clothes littered on the floor with her comrades’. Her belly was warm, her head fuzzy and cloudy enough to block out the worries that her sober self dealt with. 

The door to the dining hall slammed open with a loud bang, almost startling the group into sobriety. Sonya turned, leaning against the table behind her for support, to see Alfonse striding into the dining hall with none other than Hange and Levi following right behind him. He looked triumphant as the three of them came upon the scene, and he stood with his hands on his hips while Levi and Hange took in the sight before them. 

“I told you!” Alfonse said. “I heard them planning it during dinner.”

Sonya’s entire body was covered in a deep blush - she could only imagine what Ada looked like, being discovered by superior officers in the state she was in. Mabel scowled at Alfonse. 

“You little snitch.” She spat. 

Sonya’s gaze was locked with Levi’s almost instantly, her heart skipping several beats when he very obviously looked her up and down. Looking at him, remembering what they had done days ago, lit a fire within Sonya and only made her itch for him more - right now, being as exposed as she was under his gaze, she felt like they were the only two people in the whole world.

Hange, meanwhile, had taken a moment to take everything in, and then burst into hysterics, laughing loud enough to wake up the whole city.

“You all look so funny! You should’ve seen your faces when we came in!” She almost doubled over, she was laughing so hard. “Ahh, Alfonse, thank you for this. I really needed a good laugh.” Hange gave Alfonse’s back a hearty smack.

Alfonse stumbled, looking as confused as ever. “But - aren’t you gonna punish them?”

“Oh, absolutely! This was reckless and stupid, especially considering we have such an important expedition coming up.” Hange put her hands on her hips, and tried to contain her laughter once more. “But I can’t really punish them when they are oh, so, helpless!”

Peter had stumbled into his shoes, dismayed to find out he had put them on the wrong feet. Mabel was in the process of putting at least her shirt back on, but abandoned that in order to help poor Ada; she couldn’t find the sleeves to her shirt.

Sonya, meanwhile, was quite comfortable where she was. Her standing there, completely for Levi’s visual consumption, was how she was gaining the upper hand. He wanted to pretend their night together never happened; fine! Might as well make some new memories he couldn’t forget so easily. Without thinking too much - she was really only doing what she felt like, no matter how ridiculous - she winked at him, running her tongue along her top lip in an annoyingly over-the-top seductive way.

Nobody else caught that little exchange; Levi did, though. His expression darkened in the most delicious way, sending chills up Sonya’s spine. 

“Let’s get them to their rooms.” Levi muttered, finally turning away and breaking the contact that Sonya had established. She pouted, and gathered her clothes in her arms, not at all embarrassed to be roaming HQ in her underwear where anybody could see her. What lovely things alcohol can do to a person!

On the walk back to their rooms, Levi stayed firmly ahead of the pack, having dismissed Alfonse to go to sleep long ago. Sonya just followed at a languid pace, hoping Levi was aware that she was fully checking him out in his sort-of out of uniform state. 

He still had on his white button down, but the sleeves were rolled up, and the shirt was much more wrinkled from the affairs of the day. The harness of ODM gear was still strapped on his legs and across his chest, and Sonya’s thoughts wandered to how much she wanted to grab hold of it and - 

“Uh oh.” Mabel said, and rushed to a window, pushing it open as she retched into the bushes. Hange hurried over to her, pulling her hair out of her face. 

“I got this, go tuck the others into bed.” Hange assured Levi, who looked supremely disgusted at what was happening.

First it was Peter who got dropped off, then Ada, and finally Sonya. Levi stopped in front of her door, opened it, and stood back with arms folded, avoiding her gaze. With a sly grin, Sonya leaned against the frame of the door, not intimidated by him anymore.

“I don’t think I can get into bed safely, Captain.” She sighed, clutching her bundle of clothes tighter. “Would you help me?”

Levi glared at her, and bitterly grabbed her by the arm. Still, he was gentle as he brought her to her bed, helping her sit down. He even took her clothes and tossed them in the little hamper by the door. He seemed to be very eager to leave; he was uncharacteristically jittery. Sonya wanted him to stay. 

She reached out, grabbing his shirt sleeve, which stopped him cold. “If you’re disgusted by me,” she slurred, “I’ll be heartbroken. But I just need to know for sure.”

Levi turned, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sonya was a little irritated at that - what the hell did he have to be confused about?! He was the one sending mixed signals. 

With a sigh, he sat down next to Sonya. “I’m not. Never have been.” He said, and didn’t flinch away when she started to run her fingers along the soft hairs of his undercut. It brought a dumb smile to her face, how he allowed her to touch him like that. Against his better judgment, Levi’s hand reached out, cupping her warm face as his thumb ghosted over her lips. She parted them just slightly in response, becoming aware all over again just how receptive she was to his touch. 

Before he had the chance to do something rational, Sonya leaned forward and crashed her lips onto his in a sloppy kiss. Levi seemed to respond instinctively, pulling her closer and darting his tongue inside her mouth. Sonya bunched Levi’s shirt into her fist while his other hand roamed dangerously over the exposed skin of her torso. She leaned in to his every touch, absolutely on fire with desire. The cloud in her brain was electric now that she was being touched by Levi. 

His fingers were dangerously close to her underwear, and to Sonya’s delight, they started to curl underneath the thin fabric, pulling it down ever so slightly. She sighed into his mouth, and shifted her hips so that she could make a move to straddle him. Levi sensed that, and as much as it pained him, he used both his hands to anchor her to the bed. That only spurred Sonya more, and she smiled with excitement as she pulled away, locking eyes with him. Her own lust was reflected in his gray gaze, and she leaned in to his touch as his fingers ghosted over the hickey he had branded her with days before. 

He leaned forward, kissing the spot again, and ran his tongue over the bruised skin sloppily. Moving up her neck, he kissed and sucked, while Sonya’s hand tangled in his hair. She had to bite her lip to keep from making any noise, but she couldn’t help whispering out a request.

“Bite me,” She breathed, and felt Levi tense under her. Oh, shit; did she freak him out? Just as she was about to pull away in shame, Levi only leaned into her more, and grazed his teeth over the pulse on her neck, gently at first. He bit down, then lavished the spot with his tongue, causing Sonya to arch into him, tugging his hair harder. Each movement was made with trepidation, with a knowledge that at any moment, they could be caught. 

But as soon as it started, Levi ended it. He darted up from the bed, and Sonya even made an irritated noise of displeasure. He looked back at her, lips wet and eyes dark with the same desire she had, but in a moment, she understood why he had stopped. 

Hange could be heard coming down the hall, and in an instant, she was in the room, aiding Mabel in getting in to bed. 

“Whew! That poor girl is gonna be feeling this tomorrow.” Hange said, stepping back and wiping her brow as Mabel wrapped herself pitifully in her bed sheets. She fell asleep almost instantly, but Sonya’s heart was still racing, and her core was throbbing and on fire - she wanted to shove Hange and Mabel out of the room so that she could have Levi all to herself without any interruptions. 

“We’ll see you two in the morning. Don’t worry, you’ll be reprimanded fairly!” Hange waved as she exited their room with Levi. “Goodnight!”

Before he closed the door, Levi glanced at Sonya. It looked like he was about to crawl onto the bed with her, privacy be damned; Sonya almost hoped he would. 

Instead, he looked down, and quietly shut the door behind him. Sonya flopped onto her back in irritation, but in a few delirious breaths, she was asleep.


	10. the wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow thank u all so much for your kind comments and kudos!! they honestly mean the world to me, i'm so glad people out there actually read what i write and enjoy it!  
> this chapter is pretty long, and there's some gruesome parts in here TW: regarding titans and blood and wounds. please proceed with caution if you are sensitive! i didn't mean for this fic to get so violent, so i will be updating my tags. 
> 
> please enjoy!

It was the calm before the storm. The sky was the softest shade of blue, the sun still hidden behind the walls as it rose steadily but surely to warm the world. As Sonya lay in bed, her body was still, her mind devoid of any semblance of worry, or any semblance of emotion in general. 

She knew she didn’t have to be up for at least another hour; she watched the blank space in front of her as specks of dust floated through the uninterrupted air. She didn’t know what time it was, exactly, but the only important thing she needed to know about today was that she would be venturing beyond the walls for the second time in her life. For some reason, that fact didn’t land completely in her consciousness. She knew what was coming, yet she felt nothing for it. 

Sonya refused to picture her past experience. She refused to picture Anna, the titans and their glistening eyes staring up at her from the depths of the forest; no, right now, Sonya was staring at the tan jacket of her uniform, sitting draped over the chair pushed against her desk. The stitching on the left shoulder had to be redone after her first expedition. She wondered if she would have to get anything repaired this time. 

She wondered if she would come back this time. 

[-]

It was Hange’s idea to leave at sunset; with their limited knowledge of the titans, they had a working hypothesis that their activity was reduced at night, thus (allegedly) making them easier to subdue and capture. This expedition would help them test that hypothesis. If Hange was wrong, and the titans were just as active at night as they were in the day, Erwin had promised both the troops and Darius Zackley that he would terminate the mission immediately in order to ensure the highest survival rate. 

Most of the day was spent preparing the horses and equipment; the soldiers all tried to act as casually as possible, all attempting to ignore the fact that their goal was to bring the devil right through the gates to their home. Hange, on the other hand, was buzzing with excitement the whole day as the entire scouting regiment prepared for the expedition.

“Make sure you’re careful with those nets!” She exclaimed as Sonya and Mabel were working together to haul the equipment onto the carts. “Those spikes are meant to really mess a titan up; think of what they’ll do to you!” Hange said with an almost gleeful smile. Sonya and Mabel exchanged a glance. They didn’t understand the captain, but she was quite intelligent and one of the most skilled soldiers on the force, so they didn’t really question her antics much.

Only about one-fifth of the scouting regiment was going on the expedition. Most of the soldiers were volunteers, but Erwin had to assign more soldiers in order to “round out the mission and increase their chances of success.” 

But the fact that most of the soldiers assigned were rather talented or had proved themselves useful in otherwise compromising situations gave Sonya the impression that Erwin intended to come back with as many soldiers as possible. In a way, it was reassuring that she was assigned to this mission; it suggested that she was more capable than she thought.

Levi was treating her the same as before, if not colder. But Sonya didn’t try to vie for his attention anymore; she was embarrassed at herself for being so comfortable in front of him in just her underwear four nights earlier, but she didn’t regret kissing him in the slightest. Sonya didn’t regret it because it felt genuine; it felt right. After finding out that she was the wrong daughter, unwanted by the Romanovs, kissing Levi was like being hit by a cold gust of wind. It reminded her that she was still a pulsing, living being, despite whose blood coursed through her veins. Through the haze of her memory, she distinctly remembered kissing him, him kissing her back (fervently), and she remembered asking him if he was disgusted with her.

She remembered that he said no, that he said he had never been disgusted with her: the bastard whore from the Underground. 

She also remembered being assigned stable duties on her own for the entire month. But, Sonya was very glad that she didn’t get latrine duties - Peter got to deal with that. 

As the sun curved higher in the sky, becoming ever closer to sunset, Mabel and Sonya had decided to eat a late lunch of bread, cheese, and cold meats at the top of the wall. Sonya’s legs dangled over the edge, while Mabel sat cross-legged, sitting back on one hand contentedly. Sonya and Peter had been assigned to the expedition; Mabel and Ada had not.

“Don’t try and be a hero,” Mabel warned. “I’ll never forgive you if you die trying to protect someone like Peter.”

Sonya laughed. “Don’t worry; if a titan comes for Peter, I’ll look the other way.” 

Mabel smiled, taking a bite of her makeshift sandwich. The two girls sat, basking in the glow of the sunlight while a slight breeze kept them cool. Sonya watched as a flock of birds soared easily over the walls, dipping and rising with the wind currents. 

“Imagine if we invented a way to fly.” Sonya reclined to lay on her back, folding her hands over her stomach. “We could get so far away; we might even find another civilization of people behind other walls. Or, maybe on a giant mountain with a moat of spears around it to keep titans out--”

“You’re crazy.” Mabel said. “You never went to school, did you?”

“No.” Sonya said quietly. 

“Well, it’s common knowledge that we’re the last of humanity. Everyone else was eaten by the titans; we’re all that’s left.” She said grimly. “Making contraptions to fly over the walls would be useless; everywhere is overtaken by titans, and it’s all the same wilderness, for miles and miles. Besides, we’re safe here. No titans have been able to break through the walls in a hundred years.”

Sonya didn’t say anything. In a way, Mabel was right; Sonya had never gotten the same schooling as her, and she hadn’t really realized until now just how different their worldviews were. For a moment, she couldn’t understand how Mabel could’ve joined the Scouts if she didn’t believe there was something out there. Sonya loved to entertain the many possibilities of there being life beyond the walls, but Mabel just couldn’t envision such a thing. She wondered for a moment if perhaps Anna would have understood her better. 

“What’re you two lovely ladies doing up here?” Peter’s voice came from their left, and the two girls smiled as he joined them.

“We’re talking about boys,” Mabel said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. 

“Ooh,” Peter tore off a piece of bread for himself as he sat next to Sonya. “I have a crush on Max Petersen!” He batted his eyelashes as Mabel and Sonya laughed.

“Hey, Max is probably the prettiest person in the whole Scout regiment.” Mabel said.

It was true. Max had dark russet hair, golden smooth skin, and eyes as blue as the sky on a summer day. He was tall, unironically kind, and had the most charming smile and personality to match. It was almost infuriating, how he was both beautiful and a joy to be around. 

“Max is a person I could see myself dying to protect.” Sonya decided. 

“Max could step on my throat and I’d say, ‘thank-you.’” Mabel said, a little too seriously. The three soldiers burst out laughing, and for those few minutes on the top of the world, bathing in sunlight with a cool breeze, they could forget the prospect of death hanging over their heads.

[-]

Sonya ran her hand along Chuck’s strong neck, his soft fur calming her nerves just slightly. Long shadows of the walls were cast from the setting sun, dropping the temperature drastically; the corps were a sea of green, as everyone had opted to wear their cloaks. The time to begin the expedition had come, and Sonya and the rest of the soldiers were prepping their horses and equipment before the official departure. She bit her lip as she sighed, inadvertently glancing around to try and spot Levi’s black hair. Just as she turned, she caught his eye across the rows of other scouts and their horses; he seemed to have been looking for her, too. She lowered her head, silently pleading him to come over to her. 

He started to turn away, though he kept his gaze on her. He must’ve let out a scoff, because she saw his resolve crumble as he made his way over to her, careful not to act like he wanted to be by her side. 

“Did you buckle your saddle correctly this time, brat?” He said irritably, inspecting Chuck’s saddle. 

Sonya felt a smile tug at her lips; she pressed her finger against them, unable to forget how she had kissed and held the man in front of her just days ago. She wanted so badly to embrace him now, to feel his heart thump against her own in order to drown out the world around them. Levi glanced at her, and studied her closely. His gaze fixated on the frizzy curls which poked out and framed her face. 

Almost without realizing it, his expression softened as he reached out, wrapping a strand of curled hair around his index finger gingerly. She felt her heart leap in her chest at the contact. His lips slightly parted as he gazed at the brown lock, but just as quickly as his hand was there, it was gone, and he had glanced away from Sonya to look at Chuck. 

She was so irritated at his actions. Why did he just do that? Was he thinking of the same experience they had shared, as she was? Sonya reached out and grabbed his hand under his cloak, forcing him to look at her. She needed physical contact with him, to feel the validity of warmth in his hand; she needed to know if he still felt anything for her. He was forced to look back at her, irritation quite evident on his face, but when he saw the silent plea within Sonya’s expression, his demeanor changed.

Levi’s expression softened into that familiar look he had when it was just the two of them, no subordinates or officers around for him to keep up his hardened reputation for. He stepped closer to her, entwining his fingers with hers, their scouting cloaks hiding their affection from the rest of the world. Sonya wished she could kiss his stupid face so that she could pull him out of hiding; she knew he had compassion in him somewhere. It was astounding how much affection she held for him; she couldn’t deny how much joy it gave her whenever he looked at her as if they shared some secret, like two outlaws getting away with a crime. What they were sharing now was a welcome change from his cold attitude thus far; it gave her hope, and encouraged her to feel more for him if they could share more moments like this.

He ran his thumb over her knuckles, and she squeezed back. She understood that they couldn’t exactly be public; she wasn’t even sure if he shared the same feelings as her. In fact, gazing into those cold, gray irises, Sonya started to suspect that, as far as Levi was concerned, she was just a pretty subordinate he could mess around with in order to get out a little tension. She felt a string pull on her heart at the thought of that; and in just a moment, he was gone from her side, and her hand was cold once again.

When he turned and left, his expression was back to the same old, bored and irritated Captain Levi. Sonya’s hand dropped limply to her side. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she was right. Why else would he ignore her for days-- weeks on end, only to suddenly kiss and touch her when she was drunk and half-naked? 

She crossed her arms, biting back tears. What a wonderful thing to realize just before heading on the most dangerous expedition she’d ever been on. 

“Sonya, what’re you doing? We’re all getting ready to go to the gate.” Peter got on his horse, completely unaware of the whirling mess of thoughts inside Sonya’s brain. She took a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time she had been deemed invaluable according to a man. 

As Sonya mounted Chuck, she took hold of the reigns with a forced calm. Very well. For the moment, Sonya accepted her role as a simply physical outlet for the man she had come to care for. Perhaps she could sway herself to see him the same way, and avoid getting hurt even further. Her gaze drifted ahead of her, where Levi was waiting with Oulo, Eld, and Gunther. She refused to think of how poised he looked; she refused to think of how good it felt to tangle her hands in that black hair, to trail her finger down his neck and along his collarbone. 

With a huff, Sonya steadied Chuck, who was growing impatient at standing and waiting for so long. She refused to let her personal situation get in the way of this expedition; it was far too important. So, as hard as it was, Sonya shoved all of her overly-analytical thoughts to the back of her brain, and focused on everything presently in front of her. 

The sun was dipping lower in the sky; the gate was opened, Erwin gave the command, and the expedition began.

[-]

“Why'd this stupid mission have to be at night…?” Peter grumbled as he clumsily ascended a tree near Sonya, who was already perching on a large branch. The moon was full, so the Scouts were able to see relatively well without the help from the torches. Still, the fact that the mission was at night did give them a disadvantage at spotting titans early, and so they had proceeded with the utmost caution up to their current point.

They were in a large clearing deep within the forest; the moon was just above the tree line and so it was able to shine down on them to give the scouts enough light to pounce on a weary titan. While Sonya set up the torches on the branch she was currently on, she was caught by surprise when Peter swooped over to help her.

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping set up equipment?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, but I figured I could-- uh, help you out first.” Peter said, sheepishly lighting a torch.

Sonya didn’t say anything, she just cast him a look. “... Okay, well, put it on the next tree over, ‘cause this one already has enough light.”

“Right. Okay.” Peter flashed her a thumbs up, but stalled in his leaving. “Um--”

“Wagner.” Levi’s call came from two trees over. He was standing, apparently speaking with Oulo, when he noticed Sonya’s and Peter’s interaction. He was glaring something fierce at Peter; it even sent a chill down Sonya’s spine. “Do as you’re assigned; she doesn’t need your help.”

Peter gulped. Sonya shared a glance with Levi, who was clearly irritated at Peter for wasting her time. When Levi turned back to continue his conversation with Oulo, she looked back over to Peter, who handed her the torch back, descending quickly to go do his actual job.

It didn’t take long for everything to be set up. The soldiers all mostly worked in silence, the soft light of the moon casting a peaceful quiet over the anxious humans puttering about in the forest. There was hardly any wind, so Sonya’s torches were burning brightly, illuminating the clearing fantastically. 

And so they waited. Erwin and Hanji were so tense, Sonya thought they might burst at any moment. Levi was still calm-- on the outside, at least. She couldn’t help but admire how poised he was, standing in wait on the branch just adjacent to her, his blades drawn and at the ready. 

The waiting seemed to go on forever. Sonya couldn’t help but pace in her small area, unsure if she should unsheath her blades, as well. 

“Perhaps we should go out and lure one in--?” Hanji began, but stopped short when the chillingly familiar sound of footsteps startled everyone into a tense silence. 

Now, Sonya unsheathed her blades. The thumping continued, getting closer, louder with each step. Her heart was hammering in her chest-- everything that moved within her line of vision was of utmost importance. She strained her ears to try and hear if any other footsteps were accompanying the approaching titan. As far as she could tell, the beast was alone. 

Erwin glanced over to Mike Zacharias, who was standing tensely on the branch adjacent to him. He sniffed the air, and raised his index finger-- he could only smell one. 

Sonya relaxed a little at that; she could handle one, especially with all of these soldiers-- mostly veterans-- on her side. 

The thundering footsteps finally gave way to the view of a towering, nine-meter tall titan. The dead eyes were the same; glassy, unblinking, hungry. Sonya forced herself to take a deep breath as the titan’s gaze landed on her. Could it see her terror? 

Could it smell her?

It must have been an Abnormal-- all at once, it actually leapt from the ground and towards Sonya. Even as high up in her perch as she was, the titan was coming for her fast. It didn’t even need to climb the tree to get to eating-level, and soon, she was face-to-face with the monster.

She couldn’t hear what anyone was saying, or see anything aside from the wide expanse of flesh in front of her. Fear had pinned her to the spot. The rank, heavy breathing from the titan extinguished her torch, it swept through her hair, clung to her clothes. 

The titan leaned forward, mouth opening slowly to reveal hideously human teeth, rotting breath as hot as a fire-- the same vision Anna must have seen before… 

_“Sonya!”_

One voice cut through the din of silence-- _Levi._

With a gasp, Sonya snapped into that familiar numbness of defense. She suddenly had complete control, and in one fluid motion, she pushed backwards, falling off of her branch and away from the titan into the dark forest behind her. 

She couldn’t see anything; the potent smell of the titan was distant as she plummeted down and away from the clearing. Sonya shot her grappling hook blindly, hoping it would hit something and stay. 

_Snap!_

Her hook found a home in the dense bark of some evergreen she couldn’t see. Her line went taut all at once, snapping her forcefully from her falling descent to the forest floor. She let out a grunt at the impact-- she suspected she would have a couple new bruises tomorrow. If she made it. 

In the distance, she could hear the commotion of the Scouts grappling with the titan, probably finding some trouble with securing it to the platform it was intended to be carried out on. She could see the light of the clearing through the trees, but she had fallen so far, she suspected the floor was not far beneath her. With a few grunts of effort, Sonya swung herself enough to get some momentum to propel her forward. In a brief moment, she laughed to herself at the memory of the disastrous lesson with Levi in which he forced her and her friends to use their gear without their gas.

The thought of her friends was what pushed her forward-- the thought of Levi.

As she began to make her way back to the clearing, she felt a hot, giant hand wrap itself around her leg and yank her down all at once. She yelped in fear, and strained on the triggers of her equipment to stay secured in whatever tree they were stuck in. 

Sonya glanced down to see a six-meter-titan staring up at her, hand wrapped securely around her calf. She almost retched when she saw drool spill from its mouth, dribbling down its chin. 

She could have sworn she saw a glimmer of amusement when it yanked on her again, harder this time, causing her to strain even more. She was being pulled in two directions-- being held up by her ODM gear, and being pulled down by this hungry monster. 

There was nothing she could do.

Well-- one thing.

Sonya held her breath. With all her might, she pulled herself up with the intention of leaping out of the titan’s grasp. She didn’t come free, of course-- but it gave her enough leverage that, when she released the triggers of her gear, she came plummeting down to the titan-- fast. 

In one swift motion, she sliced underneath her, severing the titan’s hand from its arm mid-way at the wrist, and she quickly attached herself to a tree, pressing on the gas to propel her upwards at as fast a pace as possible.

She didn’t think as she careened towards the clearing, back to her friends, her comrades. All she could feel was her clammy hands gripping her swords, now steaming from evaporated blood, and her heart pounding in her ears. 

The tree she essentially crashed into was home to Levi and Oulo-- she was on the branch beneath them, and the sound of splintering wood accompanied with her yelps of pain made her presence known. 

She noticed for a fleeting moment that the titan that had first come after her was successfully restrained, pinned to the platform underneath a net of spikes which Hange had so lovingly made. It wasn’t until she caught her breath, when she looked down at her leg, that she noticed the steaming hand of the titan still gripping her fiercely.

Sonya screamed-- she frantically tried to pry the flesh off, but it was too hot to touch. She couldn’t feel the pain in her leg just then; all she could think of was the hand being there, chaining her, burning her. 

“Sonya!” Once again, Levi’s voice was the only thing to reach her. He had descended to her branch, clawed his way over to her. 

“Get it off-- it won’t come off!” She shrieked, reaching out for him-- for any of him. 

He came to her side, he let her cling to his arm, let her fingernails dig into his skin through the fabric of his uniform. Levi was calm as he looked her over, as he looked at the rotting flesh clinging to her leg. 

“It’ll burn her leg too severely--” Mike began.

“I know.” Levi cut him off, unsheathing a sword. His jaw was set-- he refused to look at Sonya’s face, now red and streaked in tears. Levi pried himself from Sonya’s grip, who was now beginning to feel the intense pain of the burning hand, and made his way to her foot. “Hold it down.” He told Mike.

Mike did as Levi said-- Sonya couldn’t comprehend what was to come. 

In one clean, precise slice, Levi severed the hand from her leg by cutting at the finger joints. The one thing he didn’t want to happen _did,_ though. He had cut through the titan’s hand, through the durable leather of Sonya’s boots, to leave a long, shallow cut on the front of her calf.

Sonya couldn’t register that specific pain yet-- she was still processing the burn. She gasped at the blossom of red pooling in the cut. She was sure it would spill over the lip of her sliced boot, like a cup of tea that was too full. 

Sonya glanced up to Levi, who looked positively horrified at what he’d done. She reached out to him, because it was the only thing she wanted to do, and he reached out to her, pulling her to his chest tightly, desperately. 

The pain hit her all at once-- she felt a surge of white heat pulse through her body, and then her vision blurred to darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sonya just can't get a break, huh!  
> hopefully this won't mess her up too bad....  
> but there is oh so much more to come (;  
> thank u for reading, love u, byeee! <3


	11. the confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not gonna make excuses, buuuuuuuuuuut
> 
> ahhhh i am So Sorry for this late update!!!! its been really difficult for me to write lately, but i really tried to do some in depth character study in this chapter. i realized i hadn't really written from Levi's perspective too much, so attempted to do that in this chapter in order to give his and Sonya's relationship a bit more depth and perspective. 
> 
> i am so appreciative of everyone's comments, or even if anyone has ever taken the time to read this story-- THANK YOU!!!
> 
> i have a lot of responsibilities coming up in May, but i will do my best to update in a timely manner!! thank you all for your patience <3

Dimitri's home in Mitras was not too shabby, if he said so himself. Now on his scheduled leave from the Garrison while awaiting the results from the Scouts’ recent expedition, he felt more at home there than he ever had while living on his father’s estate. The town house was three floors, almost too expansive for just one person-- but Dimitri was used to occupying huge spaces alone, feeling small among gilded walls and paintings. However, he kept the home rather barren; the only paintings he kept were ones his poor friends made for him-- the expensive paintings that came with the townhouse were immediately sold or given away upon Dimitri's arrival. His rich friends would always tell him, “Dimitri, your walls are too big to not have any art on them! Didn't anyone teach you how to decorate?” And Dimitri would always just laugh and say he never spent money on art because that would take the value away from it, or something preposterous like that. 

Were someone to come visit him who did not know him too well, one would assume him to be a penniless bohemian upon the first glance-- and then, after further inspection, would come to realize that he was perfectly capable of living beyond his means, and only lived under the guise of poverty for the aesthetic of it all-- a style of living, which he had never actually experienced, but suspected he had the desire to. The allure of simplicity in poverty was what drew him to it-- that, and the fact that it was the total opposite of how he was raised. 

In all actuality, Dimitri's father, the renowned Vladimir Romanov, was responsible for housing his son in one of the finer town houses in Mitras; he paid for all of his bar tabs, his musical instruments, and overlooked the receipts from brothels whenever one of his assistants would sheepishly hand them over to him. 

Every noble family had their problem child, and even though Dimitri was the only legitimate one of his father's, he had decided to take that role on for himself. Vladimir only paid everything off because of the immense guilt that weighed on his shoulders due to his son's upbringing. Dimitri wasn't raised by his father-- he only remembered receiving unwanted advice from him in random spurts throughout his life. While he learned piano from the maid, his father would come in and check on him, stand in approval with emotional distance, then pat him on the back and leave. That incident, or some variation on it, would remind Dimitri every now and again that he did have a father: that the bearded man was the one responsible for all of the lavish furnishings, clothes, and meals bestowed upon him. 

And while Dimitri played a sad tune on his piano in the emptiness of his home, after his servants had all gone to bed, he sat and thought about his father and his childhood. And his mother.

She had the curly hair Dimitri inherited, and he was always prideful in the deep brown eyes that she had given him, too. Her name was Katerina-- he remembered hearing his father constantly calling for her around the estate. “Where is Katerina, now?” He would demand in exasperation. “In the garden,” the servants would say, or “In the ballroom, dancing.”

And Vladimir would always huff, and stomp down the expansive hallways of Dimitri's childhood home in the direction of Katerina, wherever she was, to seek whatever he wanted. 

Katerina would always encourage Dimitri to play piano in his own way. The maid only taught him simple tunes when he was small, and as he grew, his father had invested in a proper teacher after his mother had pestered him. Day after day, Dimitri’s fingers memorized the scales, arpeggios, the cadance and the science of the sheet music. His mother had always told him the classics were important and necessary, but that the true beauty of the instrument could only come from his interpretation of it. And that was when he had started to rebel, in a way-- his teacher quit in a huff one day because Dimitri refused to play the strictly timed concerto in favor of discovering his own improvised technique, a jazzy tune which was improper and rude to play in the presence of nobility. Katerina had only laughed, and wished the teacher well on his way out-- Vladimir had settled the bill in the privacy of his office a few days after the fact, and Dimitri continued to play. 

“Don’t let the stuffy people of Mitras get you down,” Katerina had said, ruffling his poofy, boyish curls. “Music is one of the few arts that can really get a rise out of people-- use it to excite them, darling.” And then she would sit, sometimes for hours on end, while Dimitri played and played and lost himself in the music, only to find himself once again once the walls stopped reverberating with the chords-- and he would turn, and there on the couch would always be his mother.

Dimitri remembered the day Katerina died. He remembered it was hotter than hell, that day-- he had never felt a heat that actually compressed him, that pushed on his lungs, making the air so thick you needed to push through it to breathe. He remembered coming into the foyer after splashing about in the ponds on the estate, to find his father standing absently in the doorway to his study. 

He remembered the look on Vladimir's face-- how his beard couldn't hide his emotions for once. The lines on his father’s visage were more prominent, his eyes a blank stare which still betrayed a multitude of emotions the longer Dimitri stared at them. Vladimir only looked at his son for a long while. He never told him-- Dimitri had to tear his way up their multitude of stairs to find his mother, and the midwife, and the dead babe. A white bed blossomed in red near the end of it-- sticking out like a sore thumb in the lavishly painted turquoise room.

Dimitri realized he wasn't playing anymore-- his fingers, pale in the wash of moonlight from the adjacent windows, rested on the black and white keys absently. He had been so angry at her funeral-- when they dared to open her casket, to taint her memory with the uncharacteristic corpse of her. She did not live as she was presented for the last time to the world. He only remembered her bubbling with life, a spring of unselfish joy and energy. A chill ran up his spine-- upon remembering his mother, and her voice and her graceful demeanor, he couldn’t help but feel as if he had met her again, in a certain tavern, without realizing it.

[-]

_“Sonya… Open the door, love.” A drunk, familiar voice caught Sonya's attention while she closed up the brothel for the night. She froze, halting her sweeping as a chill settled in her gut. She hadn't heard that voice in months, ever since she had tried to run away with the promise of a life on the surface from the man she thought she loved-- Alexander._

_The wound was still fresh; if Alexander was really outside that door, she wasn't sure if she could handle seeing his face again. Still sixteen and emotionally tender, Sonya would not let go of her grudge so easily._

_“Who is it?” She asked anyway, timidly leaning her ear against the hard wooden door. Everyone else had gone to bed-- the MPs had been celebrating their day off, and so it had been a rough night for her sisters. The locks held true, and she refused to let herself cave and let the devil back in after what he had done._

_Hard breathing from the other side answered her. “Sweet Sonya… sweet, sweet girl… Don't you miss my dancing lessons? I miss seeing you dance.”_

_“Go away.” Sonya's voice hardened once the slurred words confirmed what she had thought: Alexander had somehow made it back Underground, and had crawled back to probably the only place he had ever been worshipped. “Go away, and don't ever come back-- that's what you're best at.”_

_“Don't you know why I even came here in the first place?” Alexander whimpered._

_“For my mother's business.” Sonya spat, feeling rage bubble inside her stomach. Her mother was just a product to be bought and used: such was Sonya’s fate in a few months._

_“Yes…” Alexander admitted. “...and no. She didn't love me. Didn't love me…” Was he sobbing?_

_“You're pathetic.” Sonya hissed. “And you disgust me. How dare you come back after what you did--!” She cut herself off, feeling tears prick her eyes and choke her speech._

_Alexander just kept repeating his last phrase over and over again, and Sonya couldn't help but roll her eyes. Here was someone she thought she could trust, could love, and he had abandoned her to this brothel, to the Underground, while he could live above, care-free without the worry of having to one day sell his body because that was what he was born into. Sonya had never before felt so betrayed._

_“I want you,” Alexander breathed against the door, but Sonya could have sworn she felt it on her neck. The sudden change in mood only made her more nervous, as the realization dawned on her that Alexander really was just like every other man she had ever interacted with. “Ever since you started maturing… your dancing… so beautiful, just like her…” He muttered, and Sonya felt the hairs on her arm rise in warning._

_“Go away.” She said again, this time with fear twisting her gut._

_“I know you want me, too,” He sounded as if he were bargaining. “Nobody just agrees to run away with anybody. I know you want me…” Alexander chuckled, and Sonya wanted to just chalk it all up to his being drunk. She felt sick-- she glanced at all four of the locks on the door, but after remembering the punishment she had received from Maria after he had left her, deceived her-- her resolve strengthened._

_“I do not want you. Leave.” She said adamantly, her voice unwavering. For good measure, she hit her broomstick against the wood, hoping it hurt his ear on the other side. Alexander only whimpered, slurring out things she didn't care to make out, and she left him there, just like he had left her-- alone, Underground._

[-]

Soft light filtered through linen curtains warmed Sonya’s face awake. She wasn’t quite lucid yet, unaware of any pain in her lower left leg, unaware of the horrors she previously faced-- but she was quickly brought into the waking world when she heard the familiar sound of bickering voices outside her door. 

She wasn’t in her room, she noticed as she looked around. Plain wooden walls, a single window by her bed, and a small desk with a wash bin and clean towels were all that adorned the small space. The medical wing of HQ was rather barren-- probably because they didn’t get as many injured soldiers as they did dead ones. Still, she was surprised she had gotten a room all to herself. 

When she subconsciously flexed her toes in her left foot, a shooting pain stopped her cold, causing her whole body to tense, fingers gripping the bed sheets. Everything came rushing back: the titan, the burning, rotting hand stuck to her flesh, melding with her skin and melting her muscle-- she almost retched at the memory of smelling not only rotting titan but her own burning flesh mixed with it. She could hardly imagine what her leg looked like, nevermind how long it would take to heal. 

Her heart twisted at the memory of Levi-- how he had rushed over to her with the intention of helping, the intention of making her better. She wished she could allow herself to feel special by his treatment, but she knew he would have done the same for anyone. Sonya had to accept that he didn't feel the same for her-- the fact of the matter was that he wasn't emotionally invested in her, and just like every other man in her life, only saw her as a physically beautiful girl, and therefore an outlet for pent up tension. It was her fault for flirting with him so much in the first place, thinking it to be harmless. She should have learned her lesson the first time, and not allowed the romantic notion of life being better on the surface sway her view of men.

Timidly, she sat up, careful not to tense her leg for fear of feeling the same pain again. Sonya flung the bed sheets off of her to find she was wearing soft cotton pants and a simple tank top. Neither of these things were her clothes-- she assumed they were issued by the hospital. Her left foot was not damaged, miraculously; it was bruised, but not burned, she noticed, since it was peeking out from the bandages that ended at her ankle. She was unspeakably glad that the bandages were there, hiding the consequences of her stupid mistake for the time being.

“It’s been two days!” A voice that was distinctly Mabel shouted from the other side of the door. Despite the throbbing in her leg, that brought a smile to Sonya’s face. Her friend was there-- Mabel cared. 

But, also-- two days?! 

How much of a wimp was she, that a little injury like that could knock her out cold for two whole days? 

She was probably a laughing stock of the whole Survey Corps, by now. Sonya hung her head in shame-- but when she heard the nurse outside explain with a forced calm that “she needs rest,” and “we’ll call you as soon as she wakes up,” she refused to let her friend worry any more than she needed to. Here was her friend, someone who cared for her without the expectation of any sort of flirting or romance. 

Sonya struggled to stand on her one good foot, and yanked the crutch beside her bed to rest under her armpit, ignoring how much her body was screaming at her to stay put in bed. She wobbled to the door and yanked it open, probably with more force than was necessary. 

Mabel was the picture of seething anger, glaring at the nurse. But when the door was wrenched open and her gaze fell on Sonya, her expression lit up with joy. 

“Sonya!” She all but yelled, and smothered her in a hug. One-- no, two more bodies joined them, and Sonya could only guess that it was Peter and Anna throwing their arms around her. 

“We thought you were a goner!” Peter wailed, and Mabel smacked him upside the head.

“Idiot! Don’t tell her that; she isn’t completely healed yet!” Mabel rolled her eyes. 

“Careful, guys! Her leg--!” Anna panicked, quickly shoving the two others off of Sonya. “Ah, look-- she’s crying! We really hurt her!”

“No, you didn’t hurt me!” Sonya was beaming-- she wiped her tears away from her eyes, her heart swelling with gratitude and surprise. “I just-- I’m really, really glad you all waited for me.”

[-]

Mabel and Anna had the most cleaning duties for today, on account of their punishments for the drunk poker incident. They had all managed to visit with Sonya for a good few hours, and they had caught her up on the aftermath of the expedition. Twenty people had died-- Sonya was the only one injured. Hange hadn’t been seen very much, since she was now spending almost all of her time experimenting on the successfully caught titan. 

“She even gave the damn thing a name,” Mabel said gravely with a shake of her head. 

“At least the expedition had a worthwhile outcome-- at least those people didn’t die in vain.” Sonya said, and it was like she was hearing herself outside of her body. Never before would she have come to the defense of the ideals of this particular expedition. Perhaps she was attempting to find new ways to cope. 

The sun began to dip in the sky, bathing her little room in a warm, golden light. Mabel and Anna had to bid their goodbyes, tearfully. Sonya promised to see them soon-- she promised not to leave the hospital, with a cheeky smile. Peter insisted on staying behind, though, despite how much Sonya insisted that he could leave without hurting her feelings. 

“I’m not gonna leave my best friend all alone in these drafty-ass hallways-- no, sir!” Peter sat back in his chair, shuffling a deck of cards absently. The nurses had already brought Sonya her dinner, which was not much better than the food she normally got in the dining halls. 

Sonya watched him fumble with the cards, itching to shuffle them herself-- the right way. “They’re not so bad. I mean, everything’s better compared to the Underground.”

“I heard that.” Peter agreed, and began dealing out the deck.

“What’re we playing?” Sonya sat up in bed, eager to have something to distract her mind from the throbbing in her leg. She suspected the medicine she had been given these past two days made her incredibly drowsy, so she was eager to exercise her mind a bit. 

“It’s called Mitras Rat Slap.” Peter said, finishing the deal. He gathered his cards, but warned Sonya that they both weren’t allowed to look at their cards. She obeyed reluctantly while he explained the rules.

“Aces are worth four cards, Kings are worth three, Queens two, and Jacks one. So, if I lay down a Queen, you gotta lay down two of your cards. If there aren’t any face cards, doubles, or sandwiches in that sequence, then I take the whole pile. The goal is to get all the cards, okay?” 

Sonya nodded along-- seemed easy enough, although the game would move too fast for her to count cards.

“Alright, so here’s where the slappin’ comes in.” Peter and Sonya grinned childishly to each other. “You can slap on doubles, which are two of the same number or face card; or, sandwiches, which are two of the same card with a different card in the middle. If you slap your hand on the deck when one of those comes up, you get the whole stack. Any mis-slaps, and you gotta sacrifice one of your cards to the bottom of the deck. Ready?” 

Sonya shrugged. “Sounds easy enough.”

“Alright, we’ll do a practice round.”

[-]

“Son of a _bitch!”_

Sonya cackled maniacally as she gathered the last of Peter’s cards, just as she had for the past six rounds. He let his head fall despairingly on the side of Sonya’s bed, cardless and depressed. 

“Don’t take it so hard.” Sonya patted his head, her grin ever so triumphant. 

“How am I ever gonna face titans again, after being so miserably beat by you?” Peter lamented.

“I guess you gotta quit the Survey Corps and go back to selling stale bread Underground.” Sonya sighed with a shake of her head. She placed the cards back in their box, and drew her little sweater tighter around her slim frame. “I'm pretty cold-- can you close the window?”

“I'll do ya one better.” Peter stood, closed the window, and before Sonya knew it, he was climbing right into bed next to her. “Two bodies are warmer than one, right?”

“Pete-- ah!” She winced as her leg shifted awkwardly in the move, and Peter tensed, retracting his hands to his chest. 

“Oh, shit, sorry!” He exclaimed, though he didn't move an inch to leave her be. “There we go.” As the two of them settled a bit more into the small bed, Peter draped his arm over Sonya, who really had no choice in the matter. “Feelin a little warmer?”

Sonya did actually feel quite comfortable and warm against Peter-- but all she could do was wish that it was Levi instead. She glanced at her fingers that were fidgeting with the sheets. She only nodded, her mind drifting to imagining that this was Levi's arm wrapped around her, that it was the crook of his neck that her head was resting in. She felt tears prick her eyes as she thought of him, remembering how hurt those gray eyes had glinted after he had sliced the titan's hand off of her leg, thus injuring her in the process.

He would have done the same for any other soldier-- she knew that. It was foolish of her to think she was special. She had to remember how cold he had been after they had gotten so intimate; both times, he had sent her emotions into a spiral of questioning and doubt.

“What're ya thinkin about?” Peter asked softly, his hand covering hers gently. He laced his fingers through hers, and she just let it happen. She didn't much care who touched her, anymore.

Sonya only shrugged, and snuggled closer to Peter. She knew that he liked her-- Anna had told her so. She thought perhaps this might be leading him on, but she had been so starved for physical affection, tugged back and forth and left wondering if the one person she cared so deeply for cared for her, too. She was tired-- and here was Peter, so very open and honest with his feelings and intentions. He was nice enough, and she could consider him handsome. Perhaps he was her key to forgetting about her feelings for Levi-- for her superior officer, who she should not have been fraternizing with in the first place.

It was nice, laying there in the warmth of Peter, as his fingers traced lazy circles on her shoulder. It began to rain outside, Sonya noticed vaguely from her dozing state. The first rain to herald the coming of fall-- she smiled to herself, and for once, she felt at peace.

“Visiting hours are over, Wagner.” A voice all too familiar cut through the haze, and Sonya was forced to sit up as Peter did.

“Sir!” Peter harshly tumbled out of the bed, disturbing Sonya's leg-- she winced, but didn't make any verbal protest. 

There stood Levi, leaning against the frame of the doorway, his gaze as piercing and cold as ever. 

“You're also out past curfew-- adding this on top of your previous offense, are you really trying to get kicked out of the Corps?” Levi asked, deadly calm and quiet, like a snake coiled to strike.

“I was just--”

“Get the fuck out.” 

Peter only bowed his head, and snuck a glance to Sonya, who only waved him away-- but she remembered that she was supposed to be interested in him, and so flashed him an apologetic smile. He took that gesture with all his heart, and exited the room, his back a little straighter. Sonya slowly let herself gaze at Levi, still in uniform and stoic as ever. 

She felt a little guilty-- 

“I came to see how your leg was holding up.” Levi broke the silence, and leaned against the doorway, like he wasn’t allowed to come in.

\--and now she felt very guilty. He didn’t even look at her, just gazed out the window at the steadily falling rain. It was dark by now, a small candle the only available light in the little room. The warmth of the little flame cast their skin in a soft golden sheen, and Sonya couldn't help but notice how Levi's gray eyes were now slightly downcast, probably deflated from the conflicting results of their mission. 

Sonya bit her lip. His voice was cold, his attitude the same as it was when they first met-- she was right. She really didn't actually mean anything to him, except as a physical outlet that was now off the table, and he was pissed about it. 

“Thank you for your concern, sir.” She bit out, refusing to look at him. “I should be well enough to walk in about two weeks.”

Levi only nodded, choosing to keep looking out the window at the ever-pouring rain. Here was the man she so admired, the one who had held her while she cried in her most vulnerable moments. It was so strange, how he could kiss and hold Sonya when it was just the two of them, but as soon as others were around, he acted as if she were nothing more to him than another cadet in a tan jacket.

Still-- he had quelled the burning two days ago. He had helped.

“Thank you,” She said again, softly this time. She was avoiding his gaze shamefully. The guilt still gnawed at her gut and shame heated her cheeks. But why did she feel ashamed? He had never made his feelings explicitly known to her-- she had no reason to suspect he felt anything for her, but when he saw her and Peter in bed, she felt as if she had betrayed him, somehow. She didn't owe him anything! After all, he hadn't seemed to care about her these past few days, even after she had drunkenly _made out with him._

Then again, what if Captain Levi was just like the MPs she had dealt with Underground? Just another one of the superior officers in a different branch of the military, using his superiority and status to get what he wanted--

All negative thoughts stopped when his hand ghosted over her wrist. Sonya sighed, closing her eyes. Levi's gaze, blank and unreadable, was lingering on her left leg, bandaged and hidden under the blankets for the moment. Sonya's heart softened-- she remembered how he had held her, and although it was painful, he had inevitably saved her leg from burning off completely.  
She knew she was being irrational, thinking the worst of Levi, when he had done nothing explicitly wrong. All she wanted was certainty. 

“On my third expedition,” Levi said, sitting on the bed next to her, “there was a soldier who sustained a similar injury to yours. Nicholas. His arm was grabbed by a titans hand, and he had cut it at the wrist, leaving the hand attached to his arm. At the time, we'd never seen an injury like that before, so we just left it there, assuming the hand would burn off and that would be that.” His hand rested on Sonya's wrist, his fingers curled around the soft skin, securing him and her together while the rain steadily poured outside. “But it didn't burn off. It… infected his bones, and in the end, we had to amputate his whole arm. He works in the medical ward now.” Levi's thumb ran circles over her pulse, lulling Sonya into his rhythm. “So, that's why I cut you. Otherwise, you would've lost a leg.” 

He said his piece, but still he didn't move. He stayed by her side, unable to look directly at her, like she was too bright of a sun in the midday. Levi had seen many soldiers die and get wounded on his watch, and every single one lingered with him-- was etched in his memory. He knew all of their names, their faces, and he would never let himself forget them. But Sonya; the thought of her joining them, of her life draining away just like the others, pulled on Levi's heart with enough force to twist his gut. Her similar background to his, ant yet how she still fell in love with the world, and seemed to be at least entertained by him, it all seemed too good to be real. Here was a beautiful young light, one he was hesitant to see be inevitably blown out by the harsh reality of this world-- here she was, having almost fully given herself to him twice, even when he had hardly believed she wanted to touch him. He had assumed she was just a flirty kid, just a product of her environment, taught to entice everyone as a means of survival-- but she cared so much about what he thought. She valued him outside of his military prowess. Levi hadn't interacted with anyone outside of military business before-- not since Isabel and Farlan. 

That's what it was-- Sonya made him ache for a time long passed, a time before the titans, before he dealt with mountains of paperwork and the pain of watching cadets whose growth he took pride in get crushed by the vice-like jaws of titans. But here she was, having seen the titans, fought them, and survived thus far. He had seen her skills firsthand, and they were good. He trusted her own two feet in battle.

So why-- why had he been so panicked and terrified when he saw her tumble into the tree, a burning titan's hand clasped to her leg? Why did he make it his number one priority to save her, when he could be so composed in the face of other cadets in the same amount of pain, sometimes more?

Sonya was wondering the same things he was; she wanted to just pull him into her and forget about her swirling mind for a second, but when his hand suddenly left her wrist, she felt cold all over and once again uncertain about where they stood.

He turned to hook her gaze with his, and straightened his uniform. Having his eyes suddenly on her sent a chill up Sonya's spine despite the apparent absence of emotion within their gaze. His wall was back up, the curtain drawn so that she couldn't guess what he was thinking or feeling. She felt even more distanced from him-- all of their past interactions suddenly felt disingenuous; another performance, another lie from someone she had once again idolized and fallen for.

“Well-- that’s that.” Levi said gruffly, and headed for the door as if he were itching to leave. As he left, Sonya watched, and could swear she actually felt her heart tugging after him. 

“Levi, wait--” She flung the bedsheets off, and once again stumbled to her feet. Levi spun around in the doorway at the sound of her feet thudding to the floor, and given that there wasn’t much space between them due to the size of the room,

and given that Sonya’s foot was injured, thus throwing off her usually impeccable balance,

it was only natural that she stumbled face-first right into his chest. 

Levi grew suddenly tense all over as he instinctively reached out to grab her, to stop her from falling right on him, though he really didn’t mind the change in physical proximity. He helped her back to standing, hesitantly snaking an arm around her waist to pull her up (and closer to him).

“Why in the hell did you do that?” Levi snapped-- he had no idea how else to handle this situation, and so scolding her was the best option. Sonya let out a mix between a laugh and a sob, and when she looked up at him, the tears pricking her eyes were enough to twist his heart in a knot. 

“Fuckin’ hell-- can’t you see I _care_ about you, you crass, dumb-- asshole?!” She exclaimed, and pushed herself away, determined to stand on her own two feet. Her cheeks were red with frustration, and Levi standing as if in a perfect calm was only more infuriating. 

Levi shook the initial surprise away at her choice of words; he hadn’t heard anyone curse like that since being Underground. Her choice of words gave him pause-- _“care”?_

Still on the defensive, Levi scowled. He ignored the leap within himself at her words, how he suddenly felt lighter and at the same time completely grounded at the thought of her-- caring about him. 

Feelings like that were dangerous-- they caused hesitation, distraction. Levi couldn't allow her to be distracted, couldn't allow her to be put in danger because of him. The guilt would be too much, more than he normally felt for anyone else. 

He only sighed, and helped her back into bed. He knew he had to say something, had to acknowledge her feelings because that would be the normal and respectable way to handle this-- the rational thing to do would be to explain to her how he felt and why he was hesitant to allow himself to feel such a way--

but human beings are not rational, and often lose themselves within their own minds, despite how many titans they can slay.

And so Levi only tossed the sheets back over a waiting and expectant Sonya. He wanted so badly to embrace her, to give her what she so clearly wanted from him. But-- he couldn't be that man for her. She would be better off finding someone else, and he solidified that idea in his mind. 

And so he turned away, and walked rigidly to the doorway. He couldn't stop himself from uttering, “Just get better.”

And so he left. 

And Sonya wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading, love u, byeeeeee


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